footprints in muh life<3

ugly depicts of muh recnt life

2011-09-18T22:07:00.004+08:00

after so long i am back to update.....tings have not been so smooth for me....financial issues rising....needs a job badly.....i found out i was pregnant with my 4th child and i lost it...i am 10 weeks pregnant but baby stopped growing at 6 weeks plus...why how and when did it happen i also not sure.....grieving thru this period cu i had high hopes on having a baby boy....it's unfair why its gone cuz i first time went to pray to many temples...and like this....nothing more to comment.....waiting to wash off the foetus and start life again......bought several bb stuffs...yet so unpredictable....i told my sis if she want she can have them cuz i feeling very shit looking at those stuffs.....

maybe heaven knows that i am super tight up now...or maybe bb is a girl and he knows i want a boy so he took this chld from me to replace with another one soon....i am looking optimistic cuz there is nothing much i can do about it......accept treasuring my love ones around me even more....full stop for now.....

ariel is getting more rebellious and stubborn....she just wont listen to muh in laws...she just wanna do things her own way...kinda difficult to teach but i am tryingto read up on new means to teach her...

belle is very bubbly as usual...she gets sweeter nowadays....ahe learns o take care of her younger sister....though she will "play" with her but end up playing her sister toys on her own....

chloe is now super hyper...afraid of strangers though....she loves opening all muh drawers and sweeping everything onto the floor.....she wont call mummy and daddy yet....her vocab is only neh neh and mum mum.....lols...having 3 lil teeth now....she is in her 10 mths le....=)

hoping the kids will be smart and healthy.....not to let me worry.....

dearie i hope he can get a decent job soon....and so we can get our maid and house soon....i am always by ur side dear...hope u will put us first and be a family man soon...i love u

my 23rd birthday

2011-03-05T20:14:00.002+08:00

kids are well taken of...here i am going to celebrate my bday....yes like dearie says....after 21st bday....every year goes on at a faster pace......went to Ah Chew fishhead steamboat at jln sultan....the place where hubby first treated me to eat on my first bday with him......he told me wanted to let me recall back the feeling...lols....with some bros...shaoqi... esmond...dapan....the rest???i dunno ....dun ask me why they did not turn up...maybe they busy with work....maybe they just forgotten...maybe i am just nobody.....

anyways...dearie bought me a cannon camera...and i love him to bits...i've been wanting to get one so i can take pretty pics of the kids.....thanks a million baby
esmond bought me a lanvin perfume.....thanks alot bro......love it
ting bought me a beautiful grey dress..though just nice...but it triggered me to diet.....=)
ting bought me a smokey eyeshadow palatte....marie cat undies....and pyjamas....loves(only she knows my taste)

later will be going to bubberry to celebrate cuz they bought me cake....so......i just wanna relax and enjoy muh day......

thanks ting for helping me with ariel.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VAL....

stress

2011-02-27T23:30:00.002+08:00

it's been hectic recently...not in the best conditin to look after my princesses....i am sick sick sick...and i hate it especially when i need to carry chloe and there my mucus keeps on dripping...irrtitated....

i have been thinking what dreams ui have for this lil family of mine....i know dearie wants a baby boy badly..but i scared i fail him....i dare nt risk trying for one and turns out having another girl....not now i mean...we are both not financially stabled yet and i still wanna enjoy being burden free.....i dun mind having many kids but the thing is i dun wan us to be worrying for their future....or whether we have enough time for them....now already no time for myself and u...i am feeling guilty of not being able to help u out financially.....dearie...forgive me ya....but if u insist...i will just do it becuz i am ur wife..its my duty......but no regretting huh

dearest baby

2011-02-27T23:26:00.001+08:00

因为我在用心爱你，所以我会和你发脾气

因为我在用心爱你，所以我会因为你和别人在一起而吃醋

因为我在用心爱你，所以我会关心你的一举一动

因为我在用心爱你，所以即使是你的错，我也会抛下自尊去向你道歉哄你

因为我在用心爱你，所以我希望你可以多陪陪我，像你说的我的时间都是你的，那么你的也一样

因为我在用心爱你，所以我会像你的朋友打听你的情况

因为我在用心爱你，所以我会习惯于去找寻你，无论是在哪裡

因为我在用心爱你，所以我会因为咱们之间不顺心的一点小事去和你计较

因为我在用心爱你，所以我的手机会24小时为你开着，怕你有事找不到我，更多的是希望你能主动给我发条短信，说句我想你了

因为我在用心爱你，所以我喜欢你的任何优点与缺点，即使有缺点在我心中也是好的

因为我在用心爱你，所以我希望努力的不只是我而是我们

因为我在用心爱你，所以每次和你发脾气，一看见你的样子，我都会心软

因为我在用心爱你，所以我会担心我们之间会有一天分开，于是整天瞎想

因为我在用心爱你，所以只要你受一点伤，我都会心疼得要命，即使自己笨的什么都做不了，也会陪在你身边，让你知道你还有我

因为我在用心爱你，所以许多心里话我才会一直憋在心里，说出去怕你笑话怕你生气更怕你没反应

因为我在用心爱你，所以我会每一分每一秒想着你，想到自己都累了，还不罢休

因为我在用心爱你，所以我希望你可以对我主动一点，多在乎在乎我，多为我想想

因为我在用心爱你，所以不敢对你太好，怕你身在福中不知福，开始变得不主动了，但我就是做不到

因为我在用心爱你，所以我想和你每天都在一起，就算没一分每一秒在一起，我也不会腻

因为我在用心爱你，所以才会因为你让自己的眼泪变得如此不值钱

只是因为我在用心爱你，我会学着包容，信任，理解。只是因为我在用心爱你，所以我想把自己所有的心里话都告诉你，为的不是吵架，而是从中找到解决问题的答案，找出彼此的心声。我不知道自己在想什么，不是不信任，我对你很放心，只是因为我是在用心爱你，没有任何理由。

我们彼此都会无理取闹，都会吃醋，生气，抱怨，难过要面子，想让对方主动，想让对方关心，多体谅一下吧，我们会走过去的，对么我只是希望你给我的爱是真实的，是能触碰的到的。

我爱你。

first day of school 2011

2011-01-10T20:02:00.003+08:00

finally the kids went to school today....daddy beng stayed home looking after chloe while i sent the kids to school....this is the only alternative for the time being for the kids to go to school and me able top go work....cuz for the subsidies they are only eligible for mothers who work so......yes.......

gotta look and get a job fast fast fast...cuz school needs my employment letter
gotta prepare money for ang paos this new year.....*pocket empty
gotta teach ariel her spelling cuz every thursday she got spelling test
was teaching ariel to write her name in chinese and she finally know how to write "chen"only
belle has been whining lately dunno wat is her prob....maybe sibling rivalry or something
ariel has been telling lies and i am extremely disappointed....
i have been trying to tell dearie how i feel but still no outcome ....always eneded up in a quarrel

dearie....both our temper is super stubborn but sometimes i just want u to understand that i ain't super woman and i need someone to confide to also....money issues are worrying me and i just wan our family to be happy.....

two equals to troubles

2010-12-11T17:05:00.002+08:00

my two princesses ariel and belle is always picking a fight and they are always screaming at each other over minor stuffs...wat the hell is wrong man......why are they just not on terms with each other???haix....headaches man.....

preparation for chloe's full month

2010-12-10T10:44:00.003+08:00

preparing for sweetheart chloe's full month......it is just next sunday....19th december 2010.ill be doing a simple celebration at home...with simple buffet and close close friends. my father-in-law will be making red eggs and ang ku kueys personally.....i hope frends ill take time off to share our joy of our arrival of chloe......and seriously i hope my two princesses dun give me problem on that day.....*weee

checklist

order the buffet
choose clothes for chloe
clear my room
make chloe's guestbook
confirm guestlist

updates bout muh lil family

2010-12-10T10:28:00.003+08:00

princess ariel

she was finally reunited with me yesterday...lols....*hugs
since i went into the hospital she was with ting(appreciated)
she is well-fed and is chubby again...
unfortunately she had a fall and hurt her knees and above her lips
heart-wrenching to see her bear the pan when i bathe her
but super proud of her

precious belle

super happy when she see ariel
she misses her sister bad bad...
keeps asking for her:"where is my jie jie huh?"
but today they are fighting early in the morning again....over toys
guess wat...i did not scold them this morning when they quarrelled.....
cuz i kinda miss this scene...lols*bian tai"

sweetheart chloe

growing well
feeding breast milk and supplement
supplement drinking 60ml(every 1 to 2 hours)
super notti these few days....
keep crying becuz she wanna be carried when she is awake (dun stare at me....it's daddy beng spoiling her)
not very fat leh......but can see her double chin le
taking nan milk and using drypers and pet pet currently

dearie beng

have been out everyday
comes homes late
though he helps me for that few hours in the middle of the night...i am still tired
improvement cuz he can feed chloe now
he tried to change her pampers yesterday for the first time
always carry chloe and get "wet" by her...lols
attitude suckx recently and have been making me cry...grr....
but when he hugs and apologises to me i melt.....haix...."super useless lor me"

as for me...

i am not losing weight as much as i expected.....
i still feeling super rounded
already cut down on rice...haix
diet is torturing...my first time trying and i detest it
have not been sleeping well....
my milk flow is getting lesser and i am worried
have been emotional recently..
crying at the slightest thing
easily hurt by dear's words(super sensitive)
feeling bored all the time
back have been aching real bad these days....
my doctor says i am lack of calcium...uh-oh

2010-11-29T10:54:00.002+08:00

happy 21st birthday baby sis....hope u enjoyed ur trip huh......did u buy stuffs for me?????lols...i love u

my princesses story

2010-11-29T10:42:00.003+08:00

right now in "confinement" mode....lucky father in law cooks for me everyday....mother in law is as usual nice nice nice....she is always worried cuz i dun really wanna eat rice and she can keep asking me eat rice for like the whole day...lols.....

baby chloe is doing well....just that she loves to be carried when she is awake....
easier than ariel and belle.....cuz she sleeps and eats and shit only...lols
brought her for her jaundice check on day 3 and 5.....she is doing fine...(but each time blood test i heart pain.....dearie volunteers to hold her....cuz he say his heart also pain...)
breastfeeding is successfull.....(engorgement in the first few days.)
she put on 400g in 4 days......jiayous....pumping her weight up
drinking like 60ml of milk...woohoo....

mummy came to brought me food the day before....and as usual she keeps picking on me.....telling me the place like super messy and stuffs....haix...very sick of u mum....u just have got nothing nice to say to me is it???tell me to be appreciative....who the hell tell u i am not???what stuffs have u been hearing again....or is it u just simply finding things to say me.....if u trying to make me feel down...u have succeeded....i am not happy to hear u say these and u make me cry....thanks......if u trying to see my marriage fail...i will prove u wrong and i am super and will be xinfu de.....

belle have been trying to get use to mei mei...and i am worried so gotta 24hrs eyes stick on her...she tends to wanna feed mei mei her food and stuffs....=)btw belle is fat fat...extreme.....

princess ariel is still over at ting's place...gotta bring her back these few days....impose on ting for like weeks le....paiseh de.....ting have been feeding her super well that she gained lots of pounds....lolss....wait for me ting...i bring u go eat jap food ya...lols.....tempted.....

going for chloe's jaundice check later again..hope all is well.......i hope she gained weight....dearie wants a michellin

labour story of chloe

2010-11-29T10:14:00.002+08:00

weeee......finally baby chloe is out on the 20th november 2010....too lazy and busy to update blog hence for the late announcement.....

born on 20th november 2010
time of birth:0436hrs
weight:3110grams=3.11kg
most people says she looks like daddy beng...so we shall see.....=)

a simple intro on my labour.............

19th nov at 2am....was at wang ba when i felt super uncomfortable and cramp.....contractions were regular at every ten mins....but becuz i have been having contractions for almost the whole week....i simply fear another false alarm....so i waited and waited......went home and still had the pain....and it was increasing.....when to sleep and forgot all bout it.....

early in the morning at around 10am....i woke up and went to the toilet...realising there is this brownish discharge....(it's called a "show").....called up the nurse at sgh to check if its ok cuz i never experience it before....then she tell me to come in by evening time....cuz most likely is labour signs le....baby is pressing and pushing downwards thats why got blood....

so as usual...i told dearie bout it....bathe and went to abc market to have chicken rice....cuz i know i go in hospital they wont let me eat de.....no eat where got energy....right??bearing with the pain cuz walking very painful.....thereafter....dear send me to sgh......and after ctg scan...true enough i gotta be admitted.....

went over to wang ba nearby to use com awhile cuz i gotta wait for availlable ward....no space....people saying i super madness cuz in labour still use com...lols...u peeps dunno...like that can distract me from the pain ma.....lols lols lols.....aniwaex...after getting a ward i went back the hospital....bathe and slept....dunno why...super sleepy...it was only like 9pm plus.....and moreover i was alone at the ward so sleep to past time.....

called dearie at 12plus and tell him i was in super pain and i gotta be send to labour ward for laughing gas(ethonox)....pain relief....he rushed home to get my belongings and came down straight.....nobody believe that i would dilate fast and the missy keep telling me i tml morning then give birth....bullshit......dear reached and i was already goggy and giddy with the gas....i blur blur de...only know he watch wrestling at my bedside...lols.....pain increased....check with the nurse and she say i dilated 8cm le....woohoo...coming le.....

at four plus i broke my water bag on my own....doctor too late le...midwife delivered for me...cuz i keep telling them i cannot wait...gotta push.....push 3 times again and pop comes chloe.....i cannot open my eyes all i can is hear dear keep saying the head is there le....lols....i just love this man la...he super curious...and he can tell me not so scary...not so much blood as expected...lols

finally baby chloe is out and i am super tired thats all i can say....then the mid wife help me with the placenta thingy and all is done...oh....i did not have to stitch *winks....heng ar......while resting....dearie keep looking at baby and he carried a newborn for the first time...u see his excited face u just wanna hug him...then we heard the next room lady keep screaming....dear say lucky i never scream like that...lols.....

thats all for the labour story...thank god for my smooth delivery

am i alone worrying>???

2010-11-12T00:54:00.002+08:00

princess ariel is taken care by ting today....she have nt been going out for a long time and i am utterly guilty bout it.....but i just seek her understanding....her willfulness and stubborn attitude must have been caused by me not giving her much attention....haix,.....anyway...hope she enjoy these few days.

i have certain unclear things that i really wanna rant about....i just feel like talking bout it but no one to talk to regarding these issues so i am just gonna pen it down here...

firstly..i have to make clear that my hubby bryan is superb nice to me and the kids...however... there are times when i just dun understand things....he will never see me or the kids go hungry thats for sure...but i just have this feeling that somehow nowadays he just dun like me following him round....maybe cuz when i come out we will have to bring belle along and he will feel restricted in ways..he never say but i just feel it...u know...woman's six senses.....yes its a joy to bring belle out but like when she falls asleeep we cannot even go and have a meal....i mean a proper one....and i admit everytime i am never full cuz i have to feed her and look after her and more....
i really dunno how to tell dear that i am sorry but i am not trying to restrict him in anyway....

i am gonna be in labour anytime le...and i still have sooooo much to worry about.....i am kinda lost in a way cuz i feel like i am the only one worrying things....dear is always the happy go lucky kind of guy....so he will wait till a problem really crops up then he come and worry...but i am the kind who will worry before hand.....haix....many will tell me nt to be stress...to relax and all... but there are things that only i know i have to worry for....

giving dear his bday present of baby chloe....this 15th nov i have a checkup and most likely i will tell the doc to burst my water bag.....unless it happens naturally before the 15th....lols....

thats all for now...i am super sleepy le.....

anxiety

2010-11-06T22:28:00.003+08:00

went for a seminar at conrad hotel today.....its for selected mothers by friso.....they had a sharing session and high-tea....friendly and nice people there....food was yummylicious......learned alot there...its a very supportive group......=)wish to attend more of such session......

princess ariel have been staying home for some time...feeling guilty bout that but hope she understands....i will definitely make up for that after i give birth....*guilt-stricken...though she is notti these few times....again..touching thiings around the house....doing funny stuffs...dear thinks she is just seeking our attention due to this coming baby......i hope so!!!!!but once again...she is dearly independant and sweet......i love u big girl

have been really lazy these few days...repacking my hospital bag....washed up the baby stuffs....getting all prepared for chloe.....tummy have been seriously tight now and then...guess i lost track...i cannot differentiate labour pains now....oh dear.........

i am thinking of cooking my own confinement food...got lots of recipes in hand le....cuz catering is simply ex....hope dearie will help me out ya???

dear is celebrating his birthday early next week cuz he scared i will due anytime...hope he enjoys himself ya????sad i cannot accompany him but i will make up for it....=)

aurora or chloe

2010-10-28T00:16:00.000+08:00

Aurora or chloe???

checkup at 36 weeks

2010-10-28T00:03:00.002+08:00

went for muh checkup today at 10.30am....wnt on muh own cuz dearie stayed home to look after the kidss......*thumbs up to bryan

i am in muh 36 weeks plus of preg
weight now is 73.2kg
baby is healthily growing.....
doc said i might have a possibility to due next week....
that depends on when she wants to come out see the world also

headed to chinatown to use com after that cuz in the afternoon 2pm i till had to go back for my phsychiatrist check...doc asked me seceral quesions regarding my background and he could depict out muh whole life ....super smart...he still can congratulate me for not having mental problem...he said is a problem i have with my insecurity and stress and childhood torments.....he refferred me to a psychologist and said it would help better.....so waiting to talk to this prson to give me some solutions.....

dearie came down to find me with belle....poor ariel gotta be confined at home again.....feeling guilty still bout yesterday....ariel kept testing my patient and blew my top at her....i dunno how to allocate my whole time to so many people at the same time....guess i am wearing out....

getting excited over my due...getting worried and scred...dun ask me why...i wonder why too.....

rants

2010-10-17T02:05:00.002+08:00

a note to my dear.....

dearie i know u have been trying realli hard to be a good daddy and hubby....this family is strong with u around....but there are a few issues that i just cannot meet ends with,......so just let me blah it ou here ya???

can u just spend a lil thot for us first????i mean putting us before your needs......
i know u need ur freedom to go out and all and have "sacrificed"ur drinking khakis and all but there are times when u simply have neglected me
i have not stopped u from drinking whenever i am around...jut niam u not to drink much cuz u driving thats all...
u wanna go where drink i with this big tummy also will just blur blur follow....u know me de mah.....
i just wonder why u will not like ask me have i settled the kids education thing??or like is there any where u wanna go or do....
i dunnno how to put it in words....but is like u will tell me when u have the money u wanna do this and that and is alll for urself....
yes of cuz its ur money u wanna have this andthat i shld nt question but wont u think of getting a maid to settle the kids then i can go work first??
or maybe we settle our house thing first???
u know i have been tlling u how important it is and urgently i need to get a maid...but a simple issue of u asking ur parents bout it is dragged till now lorx....*still nt done
everytime u have schedules and plans u will eagerly go ahead with them....but when i have something....i have to book u so advance and still it will be cancelled when u have last min things on....
i m always pushed aside like as if my things are nt important at all....
if its bout work...i can understand...but sometimes is really unecessary stuffs....
i just wanna have a lil of ur attention honey.....

i love u super much and i hope u can change this lil bit for me sake ya???tere is more rants i wanna make but now i gotta go down cuz u reach le...lols....okok....muackx

just a simple day

2010-10-17T01:59:00.005+08:00

today princesses went over to oli's place...so i hav some free time....*winks....dearie went to eunos for his jiu wang ye thing...met up with leong and esmond...went to joochiat for pepper crabs...shiok...*ate veyr full le...just went there eat the crabs thats all..hahahahaha....thereafter headed to fabulous.....they went there go slack and drink...ended up ony leong drank...lols...ooh no....i cannot sing with this big tummy...no qi lorx....i just tagged along and ended up in wang ba now....cuz they all go drink.....then dun feel like going.....so played game while waiting for dearie to pick me up now...???boreds.....

should i do confinement?

2010-10-15T18:44:00.003+08:00

another boring day at home.....dearie went to work in the afternoon le...i have been doing the housework again to keep myself occupied.washed up the clothes and hanged them.now folding clothes half-way and i am slacking...lols

i have an issue bothering me today.precious belle's cough will never recover cuz she just cannot stop eating junk food....and wats worst....the adults at home ain't stopping her but encouraging her..duhs~i get angry cuz as an adult u should know wat is heaty for her and all right???whenever belle coughs....she will vomit...and i am the one...the only one that will be cleaning the mess...i not so energetic leh hello........sick is me who is in trouble sure u guys dun mind......called dear to nag about this and he seems pissed.he tell me he will tell his parents bout it....but haiz.....i dunno la....dear....i know u are in between but this thing is not nice if i were to tell it myself right???and is not that i am making a fuss over nonsense...these are all facts ma.....i dunno la....

was just telling dear that maybe i nt doing full confinement.....i just simply dun feel like.....i know i will never have a peace of mind after i givee birth....i know everything i will still have to do by muhself....i know u will not be home for me....cuz u are a person that cannot stay home...and u wont sacrifice....so why make myself so miserable????maybe i can just eat confinement food....dun bathe...but i will definitely bring the girls down to the playground if not how i survive ar....i cannot possibly keep the girls at home with me for the whole month ma....right????

dear tell me it's up to me cuz its muh body....but i wanna say....if u will do ur part...ur parents will help out...i wont have such a problem.....*blinks

lazy afternoon

2010-10-13T20:20:00.003+08:00

today afternoon brought the kids over to ting's place...cuz they have a date....lols....followed dearie to work and now i am like super tired....just sitting and doing nothing i also can feel tired lorx...body system down le.....grrrrr....lil chloe is kicking nonstop..dunno wats her problem.....wonder how is the kids...???are they enjoying themselves????are they giving problems???oooh...i dare noot imagine.....

recently i am super worried bout how to settle the kids when i give birth....i need to get a maid as soon but sooo much to be done...so much cost is involved......just let muh dearie strike lottery la....hen at least things can be straight....lols

pains

2010-10-13T20:10:00.002+08:00

11th october 2010(monday)

went for my checkup at sgh...now in my 34weeks le....guess wat...it was a waste of time....waited for an hour plus before its muh turn...i mean....wats appointment for when i am waiting same timing as walk-ins...????all along i am seeing my gynae at the high-risk clinic...but cuz i got no transport i change to normal clinic at a later timing....the team doctor there see to me...and was damn ice-cream....i was looking around and asked him..."here got no scan???" then an indian doctor just came in and ask what scan i want here all got...."i was like fucked up attitude....damn him...nvm...then my doc tell me no need to scan...why i wanted a scan...i told him everytime i also got scan...cuz i wanted to know baby's weight and all....he tell me the last time baby's weight was normal so is ok....in my mind i was cursing le...i mean why wld the weight of my baby be the same now and then????wats more...he just asked me if here pain there gt pain not....those questions i all also can ask and answer muhself mah.....*shake head

dearie was already super pissed...in the end....i went to the counter and wrote the feedback form...hahahaha.....the next check up i changed back to my normal clinic....and i have to see a psychiatrist....haix.....it will be in two weeks time and hope i dun get this nonsense from sgh again.....tsk

12th oct 2010

i am in so much pain at night....scare me thot i got early contractions again...heng is false alarm....back have been super tired and pain...guess its the weight of the tummy that is taking me down le...i get super tired easily nowadays....less than five mis i can k.o lorx.....lols

i love muh family

2010-10-08T17:34:00.002+08:00

Hi girl,

you must be surprised to see this entry up here.

Do accept my apologies, my mobile is outside and I am really lazy to walk over just to call and let you know I am done with your template. (You ain't on FB either!!)

Not sure if you are fine with this current one, but I find it a lot more simple and nicer (in a way) than the previous one. Also noticed that the previous template cannot be viewed on/with Mozilla.

Had also added the archives, all the way below; after all the links.
Let me know if you want anything to be added..this time, I will charge.

Ok, I am going for my dinner in another 15MINS time.. hungry max gao gao!

& please do not hurt yourself anymore, when the "another you" hit YOU, you don't feel any pain at all, but when the "another you" left YOU, you feel the pain!

Haiyoyo!

I scarifies myself la hor.. mai gong bo.. LOL!

You can always call me whenever your emotion messed up, I accompany you to ichiban sushi, cheese cake, ice cream, yogurt, steam boat and blah blah blah.

You'd knew all these can cure emotions really well! *evil-laugh.

BUT!!
YOU MUST BE ZI DONG ALSO LA!

Don't always like that!!

For I do not want to go back to the extreme fatfat days of mine okay!

Thank you very much!

Okay, am going for a puff now and then dinner.

BYE!

P/s: be it whatever the time now by the time you read this, help me bully the two monsters! muahahahahaha!

lost control

2010-10-08T14:00:00.002+08:00

fell into madness stage two days ago.....wednesday was a nightmare for me....i was just not being myself the whole day...dunno wat happen also.....yes...again i lost control of myself since morning....screaming...crying and crazy thots all at one shot......

cried profusely nonstop for nothing...i mean nothing.....
kept thinking how useless i was....not even able to make it for my once a month checkup....
hurt myself again ...banged muh head on the wall.....
using the shower and bathe with cold water trying to wash away my temper...with muh clothes on
using my keys to make a big sccratch on muh tigh and now is all bruised

nonsense...rubbish and hysterical acts i've done on muhselve....what the hell i was thinking....dearie was patient to keep trying to calm me down....i just cried till i felt super tired and sleepy.....why is this happening again ...i still get no answers just a big big crazy to decribe

went to jp yesterday with ting ....poured out all the nonsense to her...had a full full japanese meal aand all unhappiness just blew away like that...dearie was kind enough to let me go have some "me" time for that few hours and he stayed home to look after the kids....=)

conclusion from ting....maybe i just kept cooping muhself at home doing same old routines everyday and i am bored or stressed till i kept everything to muhself and once i hit the limit...i blew......

feeling super guilty that i blew up just like that...scared the kids and dear le....sorry....sorry

feeling so preggy

2010-10-01T22:14:00.002+08:00

tummy is super tight nowadays...baby movements are very frequent and obvious....tummy is like doing belly dancing the whole day....and she stretches to the max....must be really squeezy for her in there....lols

went to chinatown OG today to get some of the baby stuffs...spent like 70bucks there so that i can get a free membership for a year...still got 20% discount....but still like half way more...many more stuffs to get....$$$$$....then sent belle to mummy at M hotel for buffet dinner...lucky her...
so now i get some peace...heehee

dearie have nt been in a very gd attitude mood recently...i dunno...i am pregnant and is like duh..why are u so insensitive with ur words and attitude at times...i know he dun mean it and the worst...he dun realise it....but neevr mind though....just that i feel so small beside him....cannot like say wat i wanna say incase it pisses him..

feeling so bored all day...everyday....anyone to ask me out for a budget shopping or meal???lols...

my two princesses are very monsters these days...they scream...fight...never like to share....especially when dear or me not at home....i wonder isiit their eight characters dun match...lols...
conclusion:::::::no leaving the two of them together without parental supervision....gosh...headache.....

ariel's 4th birthday

2010-09-21T22:32:00.005+08:00

wishng my princess ariel a very happy early 4th birthday.......big girl le...so fast time flies...she hada awesome time for her birthdy this ear for she ha many celebrations......

last sat on the 18th september celebrated her bday at olivia's place....oli baked a barbie doll cake for her and we were t decorate the skirt of the doll with flowers and all....ariel took and spent 100% concentration on decorating the cake which made me really impress with her skills.....then brought the kids down awile to play lntern while waitingfor my sis to end work and come......was alone with the kids and my family cuz dearie had to work....hmmm...again those last min crop up thingy.....

sunday we went to yong chun restaurant at chnatown to have a sumptous eight course dinner with my daddy...aunt...siblings as well as my in laws....again to celebrate ariel's bday....the food was yummy.....dad booked the room got karaoke de...lols....to my surprise...ah gong and ah ma came also...my gandpa is a really rare guess though.....had so much joke with dad and aunt.......aunt helen wanna sponsor me n dearie to go paris or L.A in febrary...weee.....she says paris better cuz genuine branded stuffs...lols....i so wana go and i hope this time i can make it cuz its he kids first hoiday and my honeymoon .....hahaha...

today ting brought ariel to have a dinner and i am thankful for her.....heard that ariel was kinda ranky must b due to her no-sleep nap....*winkshope she enjoys herself......

okokok....belle on the other hand is super out of control these days...she speaks hokkien...yes she does and is accurate de ok....learn all the nonsense from papa and me....lols....making her memorize dear and my name....lols...the way she speaks just makes u laugh...but at night she is giving me problem cuz she sleeps really late and she keeps whinning in the night...so i will keep on waking up....not been sleeping well these days...haix....

as for me...i am in my 31weeks of pregnancy and very soon i will be due....tiring...heavy....crampng in my spine alot....grrrrr.u wont know the pain

i love my girls and my hubby

i am a happy fat woman

2010-09-14T17:24:00.003+08:00

some time ago since i last updated....the weather recently is killing me....maybe cuz of muh pregnancy hence i am irritated by the heat...throughout the day...imagine me not being able to sleep becuz i am feeling hot at night.....grrrrr

into muh 30 weeks of pregnancy le....tomorrow after sending the kids to school gotta go sgh for muh checkup....another two more months for the arrival of my third princess and i am duely excited.....lols...have not decided on her name yet cuz i am just so fickle minded....

marriage life is good for me...nothing exciting but sweet and normal.....though he pisses me off at times becuz of his insensitivity....wahahhahalove him to bits....

princess ariel will be celebrating her fourth bday this coming saturday and sunday....saturday will be having a small party for her at my cousin's function room....just a small family gathering.....and on sunday will be having dinner with daddy and my in laws cuz my aunt will be flying off again.....so second celebration for my big girl.....still need to go get the balloons and streamers before this saturday...ooooh...broke broke...but its been sometime since i really do a party so guess its gonna be fun.....many pics i will take.....weeee

precious belle on the other hand is getting more and more talkative...with her nonsensical espressions sometimes just make u confuse whether to be angry or not...but she is daring cuz she is totally not scared of me....she is only afraid and listens to her papa....and she can tell u she is scared of him but she loves him more than she loves me.....haix.....

mooncake festival coming soon....cravings for mooncakes...have been eating lots of snowskin mooncake....sweet tooth is just making me not eat proper meals.....tsk tsk...just bought the girls each a lantern.....

looking for maid and house........

i love u bryan...ariel...and belle.....

2010-08-18T17:50:00.001+08:00

my special day gown

2010-08-18T17:16:00.001+08:00

my evening gown

2010-08-18T17:05:00.004+08:00

one plus one =three princesses

2010-08-18T16:49:00.003+08:00

quick quick updates on my life and my love ones.......no computer for the time being so kinda difficult to serve the web and do interesting updates all the time.....

currently in my 26th weeks of pregnancy....
my weight finally hit back to 70.4kg....(gynae was worried due to drastic weight loss of 72kg to 66 kg during pregnancy)
baby is now only roughly 800grams....(my ideal target is a 3kg.....jiayou)
super active baby
tummy has been bigger recently....
thinking of names for this lil girl
not yet buy the baby stuffs.....($$$$)
trying to find all the baby clothes out
everyday home doing hsework and resting and screaming at the kids*phew

two princesses are doing well...just that big princess ariel is growing super skinny....she like my sister when young...super boney...and i dun like that....hmmmm......she is eating well...but i wonder why....she is very quiet at times and keeps things to herself....must teach her to open up and talk......haix.......belle on the other hand is very stubborn....playful...her best friend is her papa...but she is also very scared of him...maybe of his big body size..lols....but they are just so similar in everything....lols...it really makes me smile seeing them and their nonsense.

have been planning to get a maid before i give birth so i can work after that but the expanses are killing dearie......especially the kids schooling thingy....it hurts when i see dearie working so hard for this family yet i cannot do a lil bit......so i wanna work......some times it's just so difficult not being able to go out for some fresh air....i mean like taking some time off....lucky i have my friend's help at times.....it is a big help when u really wanna go and have a nice meal or something.....lols....

i love the company of my hubby and princesses....but sometimes i wanna be me also=)

3rd princess of the Tan family

2010-07-14T17:13:00.003+08:00

have been lazying around at home...and super family life for me...no time to go out with dearie even for coffee.....morning sent the kids to school and i will go ntuc for grocery shopping......lols....super housewife now...every two days gotta wash up the clothes...mop the floor...in the evening pick the kids up and home sweet home......
seriously....i think i am not use to this kind of life and at times i broke down....too much things for me to be done on my own....

yes..i am disappointed that i have scanned my baby and it's a girl......another princess in my life..i want a son badly but alot of people told me i was blessed to have three princesses....ok...i gonna think good and positive....i save alot of money cuz almost nth much to buy.....clothes i got tons of pretty dresses....maybe god knows i need people to be by my side so he gave me 3 princeses...for girls tend to be closer to mummy ya???dearie is very sweet to me and the kids.....he said to try for a boy after this....but i fear another girl...lols....god bless me

thinking of names for this lil girl....we had a hell loads of fun thinking of them...hahaha.....super easy tired...tummy gets heavier...so very cramp in the tummy all the time....but i am fine and baby is healthy.....kicking normally in the night.....

val's big big wedding day

2010-07-14T17:00:00.002+08:00

super duper late entry of muh happenings...cuz i got no computer with me and everything is out of place...lols

26th june 2010-it's my big day...after what i had been waiting for this whole life....yes the jitters were there....could not sleep the night before...hands and feets were numbed and cold the whole night.....the night before after twelve midnight...i changed into my new pyjamas...which is "hot pink" in colour...lols....(joke of the night)...my siblings keep laughing....yes...it's bought by daddy dearest......lols....ah ma stayed over and helped me with my hair combing ceremony.....[pics will be uploaded as soon]......morning 6plus....one by one start to reach my place...even mr.photographer....when ivy reached we got started with my makeover....wahahahhaha....super sleepy eyes....

did all the normal customs and rituals.....to and back home again....all my dear friends with me....super enjoyable seeing thier smiles...u just know u got the world's blesssing from them.....xinku all le.....surprisingly....my dream came thru...my baby sister came in the morning.....

in the afternoon...rested at the hotel....dearie slept for that few hours...snored like nobody business.....but understood la...he did nt sleep the whole night......hahahaha......everything went smooth in the end...though there were some minor cock-ups last mins....everything was resolved....and though i was not happy with my own family members i mean...yes....some of them...i just dunno why u wanna spoil my big day and i dun really give a damn bout it anymore....=)

special thanks to

olivia jie for helping me handle the messy family thing
fion and wenyi for coming in the morning and helping me with the angpaos....
ivy for my beautiful hair and makeup
elaine for the beautiful gowns and flowers
ashley and gang for all ur nonsense and laughters
all guests for attending
shan shan for my video edit
daddy for everything
baby sis for beautiful earrings and lipstick

all is good and i am happily married to bryan.....thanks dearie for putting up with me that day...i love u...and hope u keep ur promises huh????muackx

things undone

2010-06-07T23:13:00.002+08:00

things left to be done

sent out the remaining half of the wedding invitations...
get muh relative addresses
plan the seating for the guests
do muh nails up
do muh ang pao boxes
get my wedding photos
do my wedding photo montage

injection phobias

2010-06-07T22:58:00.002+08:00

2nd june 2010

went for our outdoor weddng photoshoot....went to st.theresa church and botanical gardens....super hot weather....perspire like fcuk......thereafter my feet hurt like hell cuz heels....arrrgh.....guess all the photos come out sure super fake de cuz forever i dunno how to smile naturally....lols.....next saturday then can go choose muh tea dress and choose the photos le...

3rd june...

last night muh breathing had difficulty.....super pain....went to A&E this afternoon....wenyi accompanied me to SGH...i got sent to the critical care ward...waited and took tubes of blood for tests.....then got sent up to high dependency ward for further investigations....got admitted and stucked to the bed....cuz drips and jabs after jabs.....suspected of blood clot in lungs....due to pregnancy...i just dun understand why every of muh pregnancy is so xin ku......hmmm....soo much nonsense de.....went for many xrays and scans...though there is a high risks of breast cancer for me and childhood cancer for the baby.....but i need to find the cause of the pain....cause the doctor said it is life-threatening so dun play play......

nights and nights of loneliness...thanks dearie for comng everyday after work...but also cannot stay long cuz i not in normal ward.....thanks all frends for concerns.....thnks lkb brothers for the fruit basket......thnkx mummy for the lunch and dinner.....

anyway....now i am out of the hospital le.....so many bruises on me cuz of the injections...still pain when i breathe but at least i noe its nothing dangerous...so wait till i give birth le then i go for further checks and sscans......now gotta prepare the last mins stuffs for the wedding.....and i miss muh princesses badly.....sorry girls......

wedding shopping

2010-05-27T02:58:00.002+08:00

first of all....happy birthday to u ting....another year ahead may things

progress in advance for u. enjoy ur day to the fullest ya??=)

went to orchard today....met my cousin olivia at town to shop for muh wedding stuffs.....

went to tangs and got one pair pretty gold heels at a very good price....it's super on sale...used to be $149 and now it's 70%...$49....it's a good price for a good brand....lucky me its left with one last pair one size....*praise god....
then headed to din tai fung for lunch.olivia rushed off cuz she gotta teach tuition so off i went ahead with muh findings..
walked to takashimaya....went to dior look for muh younger sis cuz she working and muh phone is spoil....fcuk.....suddenly cannot on...anyways....so coincidentally met her with her colleagues so went for tea at eh....tcc....she went back to work and i carried on shopping
walked to sephora to get my makeups....bought eye shadows for actual day...and foundation cuz i have nt topped up muh cosmetics for a long time and many stocks are out....
the i headed to chomel to look for hair accessories...saw one i love but $26 so i think like not worth it cuz i gonna wear it like once??so....uh-uh...nope
headed to buy muh silver glitter nail polish...cuz yes..wedding day alot of stuffs diy...includiing nails....wahhahhaha...save money*winks
went to face shop to get muh makeup base and fake lash.....

after so much of walkiing i like super tired....saw many new shops in town but no chance to walk....i really like country bumpkin le lor....so many places renovated and change...its been years since i stepped into town....thereafter...headed to meet muh friends for lan awhile...had porridge then go home....now here i am blogging.....after this stilll gotta write up the invitation cards....tired...but gotta do alot of things...haix.....but hope everything's worth it......i am happy with muh buys today.....but spent money on muhself super heart pain....

i miss muh babies

cast away muh fears

2010-05-23T01:54:00.005+08:00

about us

things have not been going smooth recently....been quarrelling or shld i say bickering more frequently with bryan.wondering why???over "silly"...i mean silly issues.....he have been working sooooooo hard recently....and is full of OT everyday...to the exxtend to like 4-5 am in the morning before coming home....and early in the morning he is off for work.good thing huh?but i am not used to it i guess.becuz of these i have been staying at home rotting.....everyday is like bathe and feed the girls then sleep.....i mean sleep for like the whole day.....OMFG.wat is wrong with me man. i always wanted to go out for a breather during free times but i simply do not dare waste the money...thinking bout muh transport is scary enough....for i know i will just flag a cab.actually i guess all these is just me being unreasonable and all....and i have been thinking alot lately....guess symptoms are back....i will cry like nobody business for nothing...i mean NOTHING......

about the kids

ariel is simply cleverer each day and her writing skills is improving....she is bucking up on her spelling too....taught her transports spelling today...like car...bus...bicycle....aeroplane...etc....good to see her learn.

belle on the other hand is still super baby....she depends too much on her pacifier...still finding a perfect way to wean her off....i have been giving her harsh training these days...cuz her temper is ridiculars.....but when she see me gets angry...she cries but stop her nonsense.....too spoilt le....time to learn.and she loves to scratch her whole body...right now i am careful more about her leg cuz she scratch till inflammed.....gosh.....

lil baby in muh tummy is doing ok i guess..so far no problems...gotta go checkup next mth...i forgot when......god bless the kids

about the wedding

finally i gave the green light to go ahead with the printing of invitation cards.......soon will have to send them out......still looking for a suitable wedding gown for the actual day.....money money money........have not found a camera man for actual day too....anyone knows of one that is cheap and good?????arrrgh......hope muh tummy does not pop out too extreme by next mth.....not much time left.....hope things goes smooth....

seen the web that motherhood fair will be next mth 3-6june...hope to get good grabs like what i got 3 yyrs ago....

time waits for no man

2010-05-13T16:24:00.002+08:00

it's been awhile since i logged on and blogg.....mother's day past....after so many years....i finally got the best present i could ever ask for....princess ariel wished me and made me a mother's day card.....a simple card that writtens happy mother's day and a flower picture in the middle....with her colourings and all...inside the card it's written i love you.....wat more can i feel or ask for to see my girl grow big and is able to do up a card for me....thats not all...she made me a necklace using a string and small straws...lil pretty stuff she made.....i teared and hugged her tight telling her how much i love it......she super sweet....she told me to wear it but due to too small..i promised to keep it with me all the time...and now it's in muh handbag....=)

went for muh checkup yesterday at sgh....waited like super long....dun understand wats the appointment for and it's still taking u hours to wait for ur turn....anyways....things are good....baby is safe....healthy....took muh blood test...drawing me five tubes of blood....and it's taking muh life for i am still super scared of needles....eeeeks.....thank god ting was free to help pick the girls if not i dunno wat time am i going to pick them by the time i rush back jurong....dearie accompanied me and he was super sweet cuz he did nt sleep the night before just to be able to send me for checkup....cuz he knows he cannot wake up de......seeing him looking so tired guilts me.....it was his first time looking at the scan...he seems confused figuring things out....asking questions...i felt his concerns.....i am now in muh 12.6weeks...which means my edd is roughly on the 21st november....plus minus it will either fall on dear's bday or baby sis bday

now.....super gotta rush into the wedding things cuz frankly speaking...nth is done yet...dearie has been dragging tooo much time....wonder where he's gonna find the money and i am worried.....by next week gotta go in malaysia the latest.....and we have to be in and out for 5 times....i realli dunno wat to exxpect....

mixed feelings

2010-05-05T12:59:00.002+08:00

as i am counting down to muh big day.....i realised that i am only left with 49 days.....still long????i think it's damn fast and many things have nt been done yet.....gosh......finally found muh solemniser...now just gotta go register....still nt yet take my photo shoot....yet to plan my guest list cuz so many cannot confirm cuz got court case....haix....aniwaex.....phew....guess it's me stressing myself out....and my dearie is simply taking his own sweet time....he always tell me to relax....things will go smooth....sometimes he is just plain slacked....lols....super bored these few days cuz i dun have so much energy to do stuffs.....easily sleepy....

have been blog hopping recently and i realised that my dear friend esther is worried bout her labour pains and all....hey girl...like i told u...really the pain is bearable.....dun listen to too much nonsense and all....listen too much u will be more afraid.....on the other hand...read more....go search onlines bout labour...it's a beautiful process not as torturing as u think.....and a blink of eye...ur princess will be out to say hello to u le.....=)

still dunno the gender of my lil darling.....i very eager to know...but a strong strong feeling tells me it is another girl....*pengx........lols.....
wat should i eat for lunch...i am very hungry....but i dunno wat to eat...have been eating lots of nonsense like dim sum and hong kong cafe......dearie is just spoiling me......

2010-05-05T00:14:00.001+08:00

checklist for wedding

2010-04-30T02:40:00.003+08:00

have been really tired today....super unwell....tummy pain again.....haix.....preparing for the wedding is a hussle.....olivia jie called today...she told me she was willing to help me with the wedding things like deco and stuffs.....super grateful for her sweet thoughts......hope they dun migrate before muh wedding.....my two princesses...bear with mummy for the time being ya....too many things to be done that i have left u two aside.....soon it will be over k...mummy promise whole lots of muh time with u girls....hugs

a checklist for the wedding to be done by next mth::::::::

look for a solemnisor
contact him and ask him to sign the consent form
get the deco stuffs with olivia jie
printing of invitation cards
preparing guest list
photo shoot
trying and choosing of gowns
check for the flowers and car deco
go down to rom to register
look for shoes
look for nail designs
think of my hairstyle
get all the tea ceremony stuffs.....

many more to come.......*shake heads

wedding preps

2010-04-28T13:30:00.004+08:00

went over to mummy place for dinner on last sunday.....super miss the food she cooks...my favourite black sauce chicken....kang kong with sambal.....*dun think too much ya....mum does nt know they are my favs...just happen to cook.....haix....aniwaex.....went over with dearie and the kids.....talked about the wedding and....phew...she is giving me headaches and heartaches again.....nt surprisingly....

asked for her name in chinese and she argued with me that no need....cuz no invitation puts chinese names....please la...mummy...for nth i wan ur chinese name for wat......haix....forget it......
she said if i were to marry off from daddy's place she nt giving us her blessings.....wat is this man......ok fine.....i choses daddy there cuz it's nearer for my jie meis and dear....jurong ma.....anyway we will still head up to tampines to mummy there for tea ceremony wat.....haiiiz....pls let me off la.......
invitation card dun wan put name with daddy....aiyo........then how like that i also dunno....

why until now i gotta be in the midst of my parents problem....my aunt told me that this day is my big day...i put myself first....haix....i really gt no idea.....as for the wedding prep is half way done....placed deposit le....for restaurant....thinking of ways to do up the restaurant in a budget way...cuz it's awfully plain.....i dun wish to think more....my good friend ivy told me.....i shld be happy that bryan wants to give me a simple wedding right???hmm.....will be going to take photo shoot next mth.......still doing up the guest list cuz many pending names.....hair n make up will be done by pretty ivy.....gotta get the rings....book the flowers.....decide on my hairstyle....no joke lorx.......many many things........

my princesses are doing great...they are sweet like darlings la...lols....i cannot wait to bring them to me.....as for the lil darling in my tummy...it's growing big.....gotta cut down on my smoking....hmm..no stong will....*excuses........next checkup 12th may......i pray for a baby boy.....but so strong feeling it will be another princess.....goodness me

big girls dun cry

2010-04-19T17:59:00.003+08:00

back to update....my in-laws are informed bout the wedding le...now left my daddy....cuz i messaged mummy to tell her le but she is not in singapore now.....i dunno if she will freak out or kill me...but i just wanna say i have decided to take this huge step in my life and i want the blessings from her and daddy....nothing means more to me than to see them smile on this day.....

we have settled the restaurant thingfy...now time to place deposit and take our photo shoot....guest list is roughly up.....but so much details and i am going bonkers...dun think i am just being rush but i just wan things to go perfect...supportive friends are around me....thank god for them.....

hope daddy will not request much from bryan cuz he very poor thing...this whole wedding is from solely his pocket and i am very guilty bout that....seeing him working so hard everyday just make me so sure of this guy......him telling me to have trust in him that the wedding things will go smooth is just so assuring.....dearie is never good at words....but when he say things he meant them....i am very happy as my dream is coming true....i love u dearie....ariel...and belle.....

a note to daddy and mummy

2010-04-17T03:53:00.003+08:00

just came home not long.....doing the laundry now....waiting for the machine to spin and i can hang muh clothes.....two princesses are soundly asleep...and here am i ranting away.....so much is in muh thoughts right now.....why???simply becuz i having wild thoughts running thru my head......haix....

tomorrow dearie is going to tell his parents bout our wedding....bout baby....and so much more.....i dunno wats the outcome cuz i wont be there....seriously...i understand it's not easy for two old folks to accept such sudden news but still i pray for miracles.....=)the on sunday dearie will ask my daddy for muh hand in marriage.....wooosh....i really dunno their faces will cramp not....

i have been thinking bout this issues...abt muh parents recently...many times i have teared....believe it or not...i very reluctant to let go off my family....yes i have not been with them but still somehow when the thot of me getting married is equavalent to me losing them.......i have alot to say to my parents...be it my mummy or daddy...cuz i kow i never will have the courage to do so.....but i am thinking if i will have the strength and courage to have a thank you speech at my wedding dinner...hmmmm...

a note to my dearest mummy and
daddy......
i just wanna say a big thank you to both of you
for bringing me into this world...yes there are times which i have made u guys
mad...disappointed but i wanna say i never meant to hurt any of you.thank you
for all ur teachings and guidance all these while for me to become who i am
today....mummy,daddy....so many times you lifted me up when i fell....so many
times u guys gave me the "push" to keep me going....thanks for all these....but
i am a big girl now.....daddy....big girl grow up le....no longer ur lil
girl.....i know what i am doing and i am willing to face all life's challenges
ahead.....i know it's never easy.....but i will keep going for the both of you
and my three lil babies.....it's time to let go daddy.....believe in me and
bryan to bring the best for the three kids.....we may not be rich but our united
heart will stay strong against all odds.....i love you all....misses....hope you
guys will give me ur utmost support and blessings

wedding preps

2010-04-14T12:31:00.003+08:00

hey peeps....i am feeling so stress over the wedding issues...yes...we not doing chalet le....cuz dearie wants me to have a beautiful wedding....but still we do have budget constraints cuz i not so stupid as to have an expensive wedding and struggle for my after days....have been browsing thru the web for venues.....wedding perks....customary must-haves......venues itself is giving me a headache already....i cannot decide..i chose based on the reviews of the restaurant and the price package.....wanna save as much as i can......so hope i can make up my mind fast and have the exact date that i want......

glad to hear that most of my jie mei's are ready already......all wishes and prayers have meant so much to me.....i just hope things will turn out beautifu......now waiting for dearie to inform muh parents bout it....as we wanna plan things before getting them noticed.......

my baby sis is willing to help me out with the banquet and that is a great help for she knows more bout this industry.......dearest friend ivy has been really sweet to offer me so much help......i thank god for these beautiful special friends around me......

baby princesses are doing really well....ariel has been teaching me lots of new songs.....and it's cute when u look at her expressions...lols....belle on the other hand....she is a mischievious one....she still clings to her pacifier and i got no idea how to wean her off.....but i can see that ariel is as excited as i am to see her lil sibling....as for belle...she simply bo chup....lols

u guys know something????i am very excited and happy.....though feeling unwell still.......baby is stable for now....so far so good...still have my first trimester morning sickness...but i can handle things....=)

wedding bells are ringing

2010-04-08T12:06:00.003+08:00

short and sweet entry for today.....

went for muh SGH appointment yesterday.....cuz i was in great pain.....
walk-in is always at disadvantages......
waited from 12noon till evening 5.30p.m before it was muh turn
yes went for muh ultrasound scans and everything is very fine.....
doctor told me that there is nothing she can do bout muh pain cuz everything gotta leave in the hands of the lord already..........
thinking why??yess....i got miscarriages symptoms....but still hopping for this safe and healthy baby's arrival.......
i am roughly 2mths plus preg........
princess ariel and belle is going to have a lil companion..........
being pressured to have a lil prince...but i ask for a healthy baby thats all....
daddy bryan is being super anxious and excited over this......
he is planning for a beautiful wedding for me.....
i finally understands wat it means to have a lil child with the right guy at the right time...
this pregnancy is difficult for me cuz me vomitting all the time and feeling giddy is not nice.....
watsmore.....i am feeling pain all the time.....
i am sure baby will go through this with me and seeing me stuggle so hard...u will come out healthy right????hee.......

okie.....dun stare at me.......yes it has been some time since me and bryan are planning for a wedding this year....so with or without this baby....we are proceeding with the wedding........*smiles....have been really busy to spent time with muh princesses...but now i have all the time in the world........mummy misses u girls super badly and i think u girls will be happy when we have a place of our own ya?????

i still have to think of ways to tell mummy bout this.......i know i will not get her blessings....but it's a matter of respect......i just hope things dun turn ugly......cuz mummy and daddy.....i miss u guys.......loves

happy anniversary

2010-03-20T12:01:00.003+08:00

18th march 2010
happy one year anniversary to dearie......time flew soooo fast.....it's been a year of knowing you thoroughly....a year filled with lots of laughter....sadness...anger.....disappointments.....but still u stood by me without fail....u hoax me tough u never knew how....u bought me many surprises.....make sure i had food when i go hungry......though u may not be one romantic guy that i dream of....but u are the sweetest guy who made me felt and know wat love is......the way stood by me when i go plucked.....(though is u make me mad de...*grinz).....thank u baby.....thank u for making me one special and lucky girl to have u...........thanks for trying so hard to make muh birthday special.....everything bout u is just beautiful in muh eyes.........i love u....looking forward to our phototaking...our arrangement of a beautiful wedding....i am just excited.......*winks....dun stress over money dear......we will just do a wedding that belongs to u and me....need not be expansive...i am ok de.....hugs hugs

started work at twelve elements on thursday......ok la....at least got muh bunch of old friends so not so stranger......have been super tired recently i dunno why.....imagine me a couple of times at bubberry not drinking but sleeping...lols...i just cannot control muh brain from shutting down...lols......and recently i have been sufering from cold fits....muh hands and feet are cold all the time....to the extend nicholas gotta bring a jacket down for me and i am still shivering....wat is wrong with muh body man....dear said that i am sick...but i hope it's just "sick".......

my princess ariel have been at ting's place for like a week cuz the mother thot that it was school holidays for them....but i am ok la....ting there i can trust her having proper care......and since ariel have been good...a holiday for her is ok de....but lil precious belle on the other hand poor thing...going to school everyday...lols...she is getting independent....though she is higly dependent on her pacifier at home...i still cannot quit her..tried all ways le....grrrrrrrrr

tonight the guys are going to have a steamboat reunion for fino and dieter....cuz their court is this tuesday...hope things goes smooth.....i pray for all and may the mighty lord bless all muh love ones around me......

emolicious

2010-03-16T06:09:00.002+08:00

have not been muhself lately......i just dunno why.....super broke....i need a new job fast fast...i wanna find normal day ones but so....er......anyway...glad tht gurls school fees are cleared.........*stress......

last night i let muh hair down and went to neverland....sparks reunion party....did not drank much but happy to see all muh long lost sisters and friends.....completely changed....alll old le lor...lols......had fun.....but as were saying....things will never be the same again.....=)gotta move on uh~

have not been mummy for few days....and i feel super uneasy bout it.....but money money money......in debts man.......grrrrrrrrrrrr...babies...u better hold oin tight to mummy...mummy is on a really really rocky situation man......*pengx

have been quarrelling with bryan recently...over minimal and stupid illogical ridiculars issues......aniwaes......the important thing is we are fine after talkking things out now......so.....lots and lots of planning going on.....for jobs...kids....wedding.....many more.....yes...i mean wedding...it's a plan??????i really dunno ..*winks....lets see hoiw it goes ya.....but we have been scrolling through the web for ideas....door gifts for guests.....venues.....date of cuz is a chosen one.....looking through notes on a pleasant wedding makeup....everything i wanna DIY....though can get one person to plan everything...... wan this to be mine.....and hands-on.....budget is not the word but value for money.....tables is going to give me headaches ready....guest list of more than 200 is making me nuts.......ok...some of u think i am crazy planning this now....but hey....like i said i want things done perrrrrfect.....not in a rush....wahahhahhhha........within these few mths booking must be done le.....again....$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

i love princess ariel and precious belle.......squeeze u notti girls tight........

yesterday once more

2010-03-13T14:37:00.003+08:00

went down to jiang yao mum's wake past few days......sorry for ur lost bro...but as u think....it is actually a blessing to u and ur mummy....she is relieve from all pain and suffering already...and she is smiling down on u all...ya????take care bro....u look very very shag.....time to stand up again....=)have been gambling almost everyday.....yesterday i was really silly and learnt muh lesson....actually won 200 plus yet i dunno how to stop...in the end all gone.....=(.....anyway....i still know i am one lucky freak in 8....9......lols.....everytime super heng de......lols.....wahahhahahahha......but i super piss off with ah ben yesterday....trying to cheat???never mind...let u hiong.....win le so wat....*roll eyes.......spoil muh mood.......grrrrrrr

heard that the kids are out on bail now......glad that they are ok...but wonder when is their next court session....haix...why must one do such silly nonsense leh???if u guys killed someone i got nothing to say...but not for such reasons right???haix...hope u all will learn and change ok.....ur future is still ahead of u....and i will always be there for u guys.....sad to say...i am super super...utterly disappointed.....misses to u all.....

win liao lor...out never give me a call....dunno worry for u girls for wat.....haix......

happy 22nd birthday to me

2010-03-07T06:44:00.004+08:00

sorry for not updating these few days.....too shag ler.......

5th march 2010
went down to market......drank few bottles of beer then headed to bubberry le.....i drink drank drunk.......yes...accompanied by all my bros...and sisters......dance all night......drink like there's no tml....oops....my pattern came out again...cried a few times.....got touched to receive presents fom zhen.....winnie and fion opened drinks for me....everything was perfect till i got drunk....sorry to those whom i irritated...sorry for my bad.......thanks kor for ur ang pao also huh....though u never come drink...but ur thot that counts.....loves to all...especially mr tan for preparing and arranging everything

6th march
went down to market again....meet the kids.....thanks for the wallet and hello kitty soft toy....and the cake as well.....i know u all have the heart.....hugs hugs.....thereafter went to turf city eat steam boat...super shiok.....eat eat eat

i very happy this year....thinking that things will be bad for me...but with so many love ones around me....i am sure i can overcome all odds..........thanks again to all.....thanks to all who pei me these two days....thanks for pressies....thanks for all those who msged me on face book and handphone...ur wishes mean more than anything to me..........

val is super emo now....all my close friends got caught and is now waiting for sentences......i am very very disappoiinted in u all....why do silly things and get into such a mess.....haix.....faster learn and be good k....i am going to miss u guys....come out le is still a brand new person.......hope the lord will bless u guys with a lighter sentence........loves

i wanna learn to be me

2010-03-05T03:33:00.002+08:00

it,s like the eve of muh birthday lerrs....yes...and i haven't decide where to go...most prob bubberry....thinking....anyways...i wanna thank my bestfriend for giving me the cosmetic set...mini sixe de...super cute...like that brand and colours alot...have not met her for super long time...dunno how many mths le....she still as sweet...thanks again girl........shan shan mei bought me a dress.....long sleeve black mini dress....with blikies at the shoulde pad...lols...very cute....i will hope tml the weather is good then i wear that down k????lols.......haix...dunno daddy will remember muh birthday not....dnno will have ang pao from him not leh....hehhehehehe......muh two lil princesses soooo small...too bad they dunno that it's mummy's birhday tml.....grrrrr

oh yar..i realised something bout blog....i thot all along only got things happen then i will post....but today i wanna try to be a good blogger...meaning where i go...wat i think even wat i eat i will post also....lols.....boring ma....nth better to do......like for today whole day....list of muh meals

curry chicken with rice
curry chicken noodles
kinder bueno white chocolate
prawn rolls
nachos with cheese

love is in the air

2010-03-03T06:04:00.003+08:00

this coming saturday is my 22nd birthday ler....seriously i dun have a hell damn clue about how am i going to celebrate.....thinking of wanting to have fish-head steamboat with few good friends....or should i meet muh sisters for clubbing drinking and dancing session.......or will anyone bring me out on a romantic date for two....lols....think too much seriously.....frankly speaking...so old le...celebrate wat leh......i just wanna enjoy muhself and be happy on muh birthday thats all......super broke le...sorry guys i cannot bring u all out for a drink this time round

i dunno if u kids will be reading this...but val do not want a birthday cake huh....pls..........come down market pei me can le.....=)*i mean it man

as for muh wishlists.......i gonna just list down......like i said wish list*smiles

handphone(lost muh old one)
wallet(lost)
nice bag
whole set of nail polishes????
cosmetics....(pretty glitters)
ang paos?????
flowers?

haix..i dunno la...anything will do k......i miss all my close friends....and dearest jieying....u are far away now....hope u enjoy ur trip....dun forget us huh......next year birthday then invite u k.....misses a dozen

saw esther(sis) today....tummy getting bigger....she getting beautiful cuz of her preggie.....happy for her that she is getting married this sunday....but disappointed...cuz she tell me she not inviting people except her relatives....yet.....ahem....sis....u invited who u know la huh???i know u budget but kinda though....take care...though i not there to see u marry off....u have my blessings...think of ur child all the time and be strong for baby no matter wat comes around k....hugs u

princess ariel is teaching me so many songs recently......lols...songs i never heard before...but she sounds so good singing it.....sent them to school today and both their teachers praised them....for being attentive and super responsive in class.....*yipeee and proud of my girls.....loves

forgotten love

2010-03-02T03:16:00.002+08:00

sat went to ivy chalet....her daughter one year old le...so big already...times realli flies.....lil kids grow older...and then u realised how much u have grown......had a celebration for her....the usual guys there....finally met their girlfriends......missed all of them sooooo much....still will think back on the days when we woulf hang out.....super fun.......drink drank.....lucky not drunk.....played mahjong...gambled cards...lost $80 total...grrrrrr....too bad victoria gotta fly in the morning to thailand so she could not join us......had heart to heart talk....cannot believe it....zhi cao.....lols....good that i could tell him.....my heart felt lighter......oooh yar.....got kinda emo in the middle...cuz out of no where...our insensitive junyang asked me....:where is ur lao gong?"lols...ok ok...i cannot blame him....he dunno....then all odf them started to scold him.....haix...brothers so long le...i am ok de...just made muh mind have too many thoughts running thru......met new fiends...i really enjoyed myself....thanks guys.....junior.....u are as sweet as before...but u gotta learn huh.....lols

我不用想你，因为你在我心里。我不说爱你，因为行动告诉你，我不能没你，因为我要好好对你。

sometimes i really wonder....who will be there when i need to have someone....i just feel so alone at times..not knowing if who is true to you......my birthday is just next week...who will remember....i know some of u will...but i wanna see if my baby sis and my mother....or my dad will remember.......need to find a job reali soon...looking for pub job again cuz of the time.....grrrrrrrrrrrr(sorry...super random)

和你在一起的感觉就好像在读一本书，每篇都有精彩的内容。如果你愿意，我愿意用一生的时间去读完！

i wanna spent my time reading our love story...but......fairy tales are just lies....they always say happy ending....but true love never will have an ending...isn't it so?????

我一直想谢谢你，谢谢你出现在我的生命里。我一直想告诉你，告诉你我真的很爱你。

love the lyrics

2010-02-22T13:34:00.005+08:00

独送昏暗不离的风回忆里被爱那股激动天色好红

温柔好浓在胸口浮现你的面容一起活在这城市里更提起你名字

心还跳动却没重逢只留下碰却又不敢碰的那种激动

也许我们当时年纪真的太小

从那懵懵懂懂走进各自天空

该怎么说让彼此选择但思念还转动

不能握的手从此匿名的朋友其实我的执着依然执着

与你无关泪自行吸收不能握的手却比亲人更亲厚

当所有如果都没有如果只有失去的温柔最温柔

当又一次美梦落空回忆里被爱那股激动天色好红温柔好浓在胸口浮现你的面容

也许我们当时年纪真的太小

从那懵懵懂懂走进各自天空

那是什么让彼此选择又不仅是尊重

不能握的手从此匿名的朋友

其实我的执着依然执着却决心和你不再联络不能握的手却比爱人更长久

当所有如果都没有如果只有失去的拥有最永久

updates

2010-02-18T16:49:00.002+08:00

it's been realli long since i last bogged....here are muh recent happenings....

First of all i wanna wish all muh dear friends a very happy lunar new year 2010.....may u guys get lots of wealth...love and happiness this year round.....dear those who messaged me on new year...thanks for ur wishes and everything.....thank u sooo much...sorri i did not have the mood or time to do the replies...paiseh....=)
nothing is smooth for me this time round...this new year is the worst one i ever faced......

13th february2010
went over to aunt place to prepare and do some cooking for our re-union dinner....muh mood was spoilt becuz had a small quarrel with aunt.....haix....i was hurt by her words....cuz she kept mentioning about leon stuffs....haix......nvm.....dinner was delicious......had goose meat...scallops....prawns....cold crab....combination of mushrooms......yu sheng.....wine...beer.....yummmy~having dinner with ur love ones is the sweetest thing one can do......my girls enjoyed themselves....too bad bryan could not join us....aniwaes.....

14th feb 2010
it's chu yi today....ariel was down with fever and is a high one though......39.7degrees......gosh....super restless.....brought her to thomson medical early in the morning to get her jab.....then headed to ah ma house......collected their ang paos then headed to mummy's side of visiting......at night went home with belle.....ariel stayed over with aunt...
late at night went down to bubberry to celebrate with the guys......seeing valentine's everywhere....my eyes wee green with envy.....no flowers nor presents this year...super uneasy....haix......drink....it was boring.........did not drank much and we headed back home ler......i dunno wat to say or comment bout this but....it was a disappointment

15th feb2010
first year not going visiting le on the second day...to shag...to tired....tooo moodless......

have been quarrelling with bryan recently...to the extend of breaking up.....tired of repeating.......umpteen times we quarelled over the same issues.....i plugged again...i failed to control my emotions again.....i am scared le.....so scared of losing muh mind...u tell me to give u time till my birthday to show me how much u willing to change.....i will see....i appreciate ur love but things u do at times really is super ridiculars.....let our fate be in god's hands ba

checklist for new year

2010-01-27T05:21:00.004+08:00

i am like preparing for my new year......arrrgh......yar...wondering why i am not asleep yet????i wonder too.....lols.....nno lar...actually i just cannot get to sleep now....and it's like wat time already lor....later ten gotta reach workplace......haix.....it's gonna be a tiring day today.....but for the sake of money$$$$ it's so-damn worth it larx......just a checklist for new year.....

-precious belle-

new milk bottle
new sandals
new shoes
new socks
new pyjamas
new clothes for visiting

-princess ariel-

new pyjamas
new clothes for visiting
new socks
new clips and rubberbands

as for me????

dye muh hair
paint my nails(D.I.Y)
shoes/slippers(no shoes at all)
new top
new lingerie*winks

by the way.....ariel is learning fast in school....and she is writing well now...though at times she just waanna write it her own way.....as for belle belle....she is a monster....dun see her so sweet huh....she keeps beating people...especially her sister.....lil lil things she will do it...and is hard de ok......poor ariel always tolerating belle....haix....i beat and scold le...no use de.....belle have been crying and whinning these few days...dunno wats wrong....and she will throw her tempper....doing funny things like bringing her pacifier into the bathroom when she is going to bathe....and has to have it all the time...but in school she no longer takes pacifier.....hmmmm.....these two baobeiis of mine is simply so different in character....my inquisite mind really wants me to know them better ..heex...

dearie have been busy with work these days....so u dun really see us go drink le.....i really want a holiday together yar....waiting......

let me be the princess of ur heart

2010-01-24T06:58:00.007+08:00

kinda emo right now....could not go back to slp after i woke up just now at 3 am.........i suddenly feel so emo....so lost...so confused......everyhting had been pretty sweet for me the whole week.....but yet i kinda mixed up everything.....having funny feelings.....i am talking about my relationship.......i suddenly do not know wat i am seeking for....wat i am waiting for....wat i am expecting at all...i simply lost the meaning of a relationship........

dear and i have been quarreling over silly issues....but his "heck-care" attitude is simply getting on my nerves.....have been crazy over my serial drama..."hai pai tian xin"....maybe the story line made me fantasize and thot wat was going on.... i really wanna not anyhow think though....why aren't u working things out tgt with me...

i easily get angry.....i am super-duper sensitive......but u dun expect me not to tell u and show u i am angry right?u dun expect me to smile like nothing's wrong....talk like everything's perfect....act like it's all a dream.....and pretend that it's not hurting me at all......do u really expect me to do so?

sometimes i really wonder.........where do i stand.......

wat it really means to be in love?

my rants

2010-01-14T11:27:00.002+08:00

super-uber lazy to blog bout my things recently.....in general.......hmmmmm.....

princess ariel and precious belle is doing very well adapting to school....though...miss belle is always crying when u just reach the school ....but very fast she keeps quiet...*phew
ariel is wonderful....she will tell me wat she wanna eat after school or buy and then go in giving me a smile.....
ariel will hold belle ands when i come and pick them after school...though they not same class.....*sweet
btw....school is getting tougher for kids...so kiasu.....now already got homework for ariel...and is giving me a lil challenge teaching her to write......(i dun see why "Aa cannot be for apple" isn't it shorter to write than......Aa is for alligator)
one full page of Aa's okie......tiring for them lor.....aniwaex....we parents just do wat the ministry of education wants huh
everyday is tired tired tired for me.....just shag.....dunno why*shrugs

dear and i are starting to plan for our wedding.....though i am erm.......i dunno if i am prepared but i so wanna get married.......kinda sad the past few days.....not feeling very right.......

have been quarrelling with dear(but i see the way u give in to me)never in a relationship is one smooth.....wat i can say is i am numb and immune ler..yes...sad will sad....when u do something to hurt me....but to me guys are like so......if u treat me good..i appreciate....if u dun....all i can say is i simply heck care also.....
mummy ......u make me really very hurt....i never expect u not to tell ur "bf" and is family tat ariel is not ur grand-daughter.....do we ever or even exist in ur dictionary........i know u found a guy who loved u....willing to take another try.....i am super-super happy for u....but why hide from me....so so many things.....i dunno how to ask u....not wanting to interfere and be disrespectful......haix.....i love u mummy.....

happy 2010

2010-01-07T03:24:00.004+08:00

after so long i am back to blog........this new year is gonna be everything to me.....my two lil princesses are in school ler.....put them at "rainbow"...it's a private learning and development childcare.....yars....expansive....*eyes big*....but still....hmm.....it's gonna be fine fine fine.....today was their erm...third day????and it's already chaotic for me...they cannot wake up especially belle belle....and the thing is....ariel cried today at school...making a big fuss not wanting to go school.....the day before i hoax her with sweets and it turned out good for the first day with no crying at all...yesterday hoax them with macdonalds and it was still ok....today....they just refuse to go school.....arrrrrgh.....it takes time huh.....yars......hope they like it in school......everything is good for now...and i know it will be from now onwards......

dearie....thanks for working two jobs just to give us the best...i love u and thanks......*muackx

dear friend.......hope u are doing well and dun think too much....things dun say out i think is better luh huh?????take care

dear leon....good luck to u and ur marriage....hope i will be as happy as u are also huh? *smiles

fcuk u spammer

2009-12-22T08:51:00.002+08:00

dearest psby......i know u tried to tag me....hey.....l;ong time no see yar frend.....

why i cannot go club with my frends......anything wrong with that ......one day i dun work cannot...must 360 days.....*retarded
i never say leon has to care bout my stuffs......
u mean he did not message wrongly......so he was really waiting for me at home?u mean he was missing me?
btw i dun have to step lian when it is ur opinion......
say i childish or watsoever.......my girls judgement...is not urs.....
dun bother to see my girls again or anything....cuz i am disgusted by u
promises?????keep promisses.....i no longer know wat they are
u still dun see the picture here......hmmmmm........call leon daddy or papa.......its up to them luh huh....
i NEVER ASKED MY GIRLS TO ANY OH HOW CALL HOW MANY EX YAR?.....
unless u know my ex?????MY FRIEND......

hey there...u know me too many things and u are making it up realli good...its that the best u tried to cover who u are????ok.....i give u one star????????but try again freak.........and i gonna use back ur words.......oh-my-fcuking-God.........it's not me who put the kids there....it's the mum who told me to do it this way so leon cannot bring her home....Thank u....and many more u do not know...so.......anyway i got no reputation already so try harder spoiling even more of me or trying to break the relationship between me and my bf.........pls la....just back off and get alive.......wat else u know by spilling all the nonsense bout ur FRIEND...............................................................hey....i wondered why u are so loner.........where is ur child???do u have any in the first.....yar...oh- great parent u are.....to the extend of not being able to have ur own life.....*eeeeekx....u freak

christmas jingles

2009-12-21T19:19:00.002+08:00

christmas coming liaox.....anybody is as crazy as me to get the christmas tingles ???lols...i am like feeling so "lil girl" to get all so excited over the season......will santa come and give me and my lil princesses a kiss on the cheeks.....weeeee~

dunno wat to get nehx....so many people to buy for no money.....grrrrr.......

btw....dear leon.....i dunno wat is ur problem yesterday...but i believe u is not send wrong message to me.....why....by messaging..."i wait for u at home".....u think i will get angry or jealous?????yar....heart will ache but it does not mean u can gek me this way .......hey....trying to be funny or something????ur phone got no my contact in ur list....u have to key in my number....so dun tell me u message wrongly la huh......i know u wanna make me angry...i tell u i do feel a lil uneasy....but .........................and for god sake...if the message really meant for her....pls...my girls are there dun bring the woman and fcuk her infront of them for god sake.....thanks....santa will give u a candy for doing this lil good yar??????

hey peeps out there how u guys celebrating christmas??????i super bored gotta do it with my family....gotta go show face......haix......i feel so i dunno how to say......

baby girls....mummy miss u and is getting ur christmas pressies ready yar........hahahahaha.....i wanna see u girls smile when u see them k.....hugfs hugs...i love u all......dearie......wats muh pressie??????*pouts

i'm loved

2009-12-19T07:27:00.002+08:00

hey peeps....i am okie larx.....dun like so sad sad nehx.....me just emo during muh last post....just ranting nia.....anyways.....i love u shan....i love u sisters out there......everything is fine......*smiles...btw here is some love quotes that i find really sweet and heart aching.........just for u guys........christmas coming le....dunno wat to do or where to go with my princesses.....hmmmm........

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it is better to leave them broken than
try to hurt yourself putting it back together

Love is like Life. Not
easy and not happy all the time. But do you stop living? Than why stop loving?

If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right, and if being right
means i have to live without you, i want to be wrong for the rest of my life.

"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an
imperfect person perfectly."

when even ur love ones ignores u

2009-12-16T16:12:00.002+08:00

wondering how is muh frends around me recently....hmmm...sooo much onsense and problems recently.....frends get caught........frends got in trouble.....arrrrgh......my lil babies are doing really well.....busy getting muhself prepared for ariel's school next year...still have to apply for schemes and all...this is wat u get when u got no $$$$$$$$......

daddy is no longer muh daddy....he is being shared and till the extend he no longer loves me like he used to.....the last thing i know...watever i want i could get when i was young...yar....those young young days......now...yes...my house have many new things....aunt got a beautiful big house in the philippines.....*envy....and my room that is shared with shan shan is beautiful now...but have they ever thought bout me and the kids???all i have is a foldable mattress in the room withut pillows or blanket.....i mean....yar...i know....it's aunt money.but i really am not recogised i the family ma????why like that....maybe i ruined it all in muh own hands....after leon thing daddy treats me like .....uh...i duno......the kids get new phones...new cameras...new lap tops...and when i ask for a lil bit more $ for food i have to think really hard.....yes i am crying inside...and i am crying it out loud.....jealous????no....it's envy...

it's a matter of thinking of...hey...val...u're 21 and wat do u expect...u
no longer belog in this family.....u supposed to be having ur on family out there......but u have nothing and simply...u are just nothing......

a cursed man

2009-12-09T14:51:00.003+08:00

yes i long no update...so here is one......

dearest leon....i know u are getting rom this 24th dec.....congrats....but u simply are such a disgrace.....rememebr wat u told me before???not ur child u will not bai bai de yang....and here u are telling the girl how much u love her and her child and this and that....hey...i know its not muh problem...but i am pissed off...yes i am.....i am terribly disappointed but wat u have said and wat the hell u think u are doing....why of all the dates u must chose 24th dec...the day i told u i wanted to get married on....fcuk u larx......try ur very best to succeed in this marriage.....cuz me and ur family....see u no up.........poor mother of urs who gets so upset over u this useless son.....she keeps asking me to move back so that woman cannot stay over....but itold her i cannot do so....i told her u and i have move on...but leon...is it too fast???or u just wanna gek me.....dun come tell me u love her la..huh.....come on....u leon heng leh......maybe u wanna see how angry i can get...but trust me.....the most evil person is the woman infront of u......thats me...i am oh-not nice to play with....u wanna destroy my life...i will do so for urs too.....yes...u have ur rights to have a gf and get married...but not a woman with child that is not urs......so much money give ur own daughters lar......idiot.......and u can freaking tell her ya i love ur child cuz i love u.....pls la....wth....wtf.....curse u damn lots la.

i am missing muh princesses

2009-12-05T14:38:00.004+08:00

raining nonstop wor....arrrgh.......tired....dunno leh...sleep early wake up early....like not very me-life.....i wanna get well faster....sooo i can squeeze my belle and hug my ariel....i am missing them so-so badly....wonder if belle is well ler...is ariel eating well...is everything okie.......mummy bought u gers christmas pressies.....weeeee~i feel like a dumb person now...throat pain till...arrrrrgrh.....cannot talk..cannot eat...cannot smoke...cannot...drink....just kill me lar...me soooo di-da....dun talk how can siol.......

2009-12-02T15:52:00.002+08:00

yess.....dearest shan took took a sexy pic of my precious belle.....arrrrrrrrrgh

val versus virus

2009-12-02T15:37:00.002+08:00

hey peeps....have not been online for quite some time......i was sick.....down with realli high on-off fever for four days....nonstop head spinning....(i've been around the world)*grinz......vomitted....yes...no strength......lucky two princesses got pple help me look after....if not...i die....i really miss belle and ariel.....mummy gonna hug u gers tight tight when i see u....u gers better be good arx.....mummy is fighting this damn virus right now.....(yarx...the usual me....stubborn....dun wanna see doctor.......)let dear say till haix..........eat soooooo many medicine....sleep soooooooo much....i scared ler......my bones are aching now.....my fever have slowly subsided...hope it will stop le la.......tired.....i cannot eat....sleep well....do anything at ALL.....

dearest bryan.....thanks baby for being there to hug me when i was shivering.....to worried bout me even u were at work.......to tell me even if u no money also will find money to bring me see doctor...i love u dear
esmond bro...thanks for ur medicine and liang-teh....appreciates.......
baby sis thanks for that sweater when i needed it the most.....
ah jess....thanks for trying to lend me ur jacket...*winks
ah van...dawn....larine......meixuan.....i felt u gers warmth when i was cold*winks
ting....thanks for looking after ariel.....these few days...is she notti.....can feed her fat fat...she sick then so skinny....heart pains........thanks for ur encouragement huh.....*diet diet

i love them no matter what

2009-11-24T23:20:00.002+08:00

i never said tht u were out to harm e or anything...i know u mean well...but is there anything wrong if i really wanna stick on with the kids...so difficult then i persuade dear...why must i give them up....i know i not perfect mother...i know i no abilitites....but i learning...i trying.....i will get pissed off that day is i not enough sleep...who is the one to see the girl ...is me...i am tired...but did i tell any of u all not.....i was so panicked and nt venting muh anger on her....i just did nt want her to vomit more on the pram.....is there anything wrong...i just gotta act fast....maybe u thot i was venting her...but believe me i was not.....

i am useless in everyway...as compared to u....but i will not give them up....i know wat u wanna say...but know wat i trying to say.....i did nt put anythig in grudge or in muh heart....i can forget things easily..including who i am....i love u sis

cursed

2009-11-24T17:11:00.003+08:00

yesterday was a very nasty day for me.....ever since i stepped into redhilll everyhing was wrong....i got said by so many people for i dunno why.....summarized...i got into a fight with zhenzhen....my heart hurts.....all of us is just showing concern to ariel...i will not harm my own girl.....i may seems pek cek...but is really very hard to tolerate...things u said weren't nice either....all these while i loved u not enough....i spend not enough time with u...i dote u not eough so u have to say such ugly words to me....*clap hands*....tired....tired of all these.....maybe u mean wat u say....maybe u wanted to tell me this long time ago....no worries baby sis...i will not disturb u further.....i am just alone once more.....ur love to ariel i appreciate...but u said wrong things at wrong time....i was out of muh mind too...but....it's all ended.....20 years of sistership....in a second it was all destroyed.....i love u....come back when u still want me....

thank god that ariel's fever has subsided...no more fever...just the silly tummy ache thingy that keeps irritating her.....let her have the appetite to eat pls.....take the viruses away oh lord....thank u again

the devil took over me once more......brought belle to the carpark staircase....i bite muhself till numb....i burnt muhself with the cigg*fav*....i banged muh head against the brick wall..i slapped muhself umpteen times to wake me up....this pain i inflict on muhself is soo no fun....is so no pain...it cannot cover the pain i have in my heart...dun like to be said in public....want *face..hate myself...i hate myself for loving u

i love u baby ariel

2009-11-23T18:02:00.002+08:00

ariel darling caught a fever and diarrhea(dunno how to spell)...hope she gets well soon....yesterday her fever went up to 39.9 degrees.....panicked...went to sgh staight....dear and belle had to wait outside cuz too many patients sick there....waited for almost an hour before get to see the doctor...and fcuking hell the doctor tell me they cannot do anything cuz no children doctor...huh????i forced them and made a fuss to waive off my $90 fees......did nth still tell me sit their ambulance go kk hospital...i nt so stupid larrx.....then i brought ariel straight home.....while waiting for us...dear hoax belle to sleep...damn sweet lar...must see the scenerio....a big man like dear who used his gentle hands on her.....i just felt so lucky to have him at that very moment.....
then we headed home....at night i spend the whole night monitoring and sponging my girl....tired...sleepy....at 5 am k.o.......i concussed....cannot take it le.....*oops*......changed so many times of her pampers cuz passed motion.....lucky princess was very cooperative with the medicine feeds......*hengz*....the only thing is that she dun eat and gets very cranky.......

god take away her sickness...heal her pain.....i wanna see the bubbly ariel who keeps jumping around again....god i pray...i call for ur name...i seek ur help......in the name of the lord....heal her....thank u......

wake-up val

2009-11-20T13:24:00.003+08:00

happy happy birthday vicky....lots of
wishes come true.... may u stay as sweet as ever.....but big girl lerrs....dun
do wrong thingy yars...hugs hugs....

i am like oh-so-bored rite noww....preparing to go town meet muh baby sis(zhenzhen)...tgt with my two princesses..but the weather is like so-damn irritating...its pouring again.....thinking of the wet ground....and that my kids cannot any-oh-how run i am like so sianx...thinking of the journey there and back make me simply think like er.....val...u gt nothing better to do than to tire urself huh...go sleep larx...*shake heads....i am getting more and more lazy each day......arrrrrgh

sorry i am just suddenly wanna scold muhself.......so peeps....sorry bout this nonsense.......sometimes i just sit back and think wat the hell i want....wat the hell i am doing or thinking.....wat more can a girl ask for having her baby sis with her all the time...having her two princesses by her side......having her darling boyfriend with her all the time....talking bout my dear....

who never left her in a lurch....
who buys her things she wishes for....
who buys her lunch even when he is broke.....
who tolerates her nonsense when he has a nasty temper himself....
who blocks her from chairs and harm when in a fight...
who loves her two princesses like nobody would
who so wanna change and get me out of my sickness...

thats my boyfriend....BRYAN TAN.....<3

i dunno wat more i could ever ask for......why is it that i just cannot let
go a lil bit more sometimes.....*shrugs*..yesterday me and dear was talking
about my problem....he asked me to fight the devil.....i dun wanna
disappoint u...cuz i know i have been a nuisance....*smacks*...i have nt
been able to control muhself....but i just wanna do things so that we will
lead a better life in future....and things
will be going right.....

random thoughts

2009-11-19T14:52:00.003+08:00

rain rain go away....come again another day....
ariel n belle belle wanna play.....rain rain go away
it's like raining so heavily....the kids wnted to go down cycle de...haix...spoil our plans.....arrrrgh........dearie is still working......waiting for him to bring us go red hill eat dinner.....hungry lehs......just now did cooking with the kids......taught ariel how to make pancakes...and she did a great job stirring and mixing the flour.....*thumbs up...belle did a great job too....finishing up all the pancakes....they chose their sauces each....chocolate syrup and maple syrup....yummy-licious.....right now i am kinda free cuz princess ariel is taking her nap and precious belle is busy drawing...so here i am blogging away nonsense......super-duper bored......
i miss u dearie...raining wor...drive safely..see u later....mwuacks

2009-11-18T17:45:00.000+08:00

i love them no matter what

2009-11-18T17:12:00.003+08:00

it's been some time since i last move muh butt to log into the internet....here ish muh recent updates.....

13th nov 09
headed to town to meet my baby sis for dinner...slacked for awhile...had two mugs of beer...tried their very yummy dried beef(it's good finger food to compliment with beer)......guessed wat.....miss valerie's handphone got lost......i dunno how the helll blur i was that i ledt it smewhere....i gt soooo damn pissed for today is really muh friday the 13th....arrrrrgh....i lost all contacts and the phone is my sis thats the idea....blur fcuk la me....thereafter...went down to redhill together to meet up with the rest of the guys.....we went over to bubberry to celebrate dear's birthday in advance....drink....drank....danced....had nonsense picures taken with the group....waiting for baby sis to upload then i can post yar???*winks...supposed to help dear with the drinking..but ended up he drank all himself..i mean when he was on stage lar....logo ups...lols....24 seconds.....hm....his tummy is nt for nothing de lor...hahahhahaa...*thumbs up...thank u to those who give face and come atend this small celebration....thanks for ur bottles....especially to all the "lao eh" huh...thanks and appreciated by the both of us....without u guys..won't have so much fun......

15th nov 09
went to meet lawrence and ah seng for steamboat....acompanied by zhenzhen...esmond and da tou.....went to turf city for chong pang steamboat...remember the last time marina south de...yesh..one of the outlets...okie la...the area very windy that day....but standard drop le...now more ex and nt very nice the food...but okie la...they just gt the hard to celebrate with dearie...

16th nov 09
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DEAR....I WISH U EARN LOTS OF MONEY AND HAVE LOTS OF HAPPINESS.....I LOVE U SOOOOOOO MUCHIE.....MUACKX.TODAY IS THE DAY WHEN I WOULD LIKE TO WISH U ALL THE WISHES I HAVE FOR U THROUGHOUT THE YEAR....HUGS

17TH nov 09
tired tired......work work worked......sians.....going to pick the girls up....arrrrrrgh...no freetime=no work=no money=no go out......really gotta do something man

yippppepeeeeeeee.........today ish 18th nov'09......it's me and dearie's monthsary....happy 8th monthsary to ya...soo fast time past......a blink of eye u have endured me and my two princesses for 8 months...there are more to come and i appreciate god for giving me such a wonderful partner......i love u.....too bad today cannot meet up with u...but i very happy to see u just now in the afernoon for that minute....i know u no money le yet u still waste on my macdonalds....just for me and the kids....yet u never eat urself...haix......thankks again.....smiles*

love the people around me

2009-11-11T17:11:00.002+08:00

okie..i am like oh-so bored now....dear just now came in the afternoon to buy mac for me and the kids......hugs to u dear....i knew he was busy working yet he surprised me with mac....yummy yummy.....belle surprisingly did nt ate much fries....hmm....wierd..she normally would just whack up the whole food.....aniwaex.....he reushed off as soon as we ate finish....these few days been going home early....cuz my dear bf could not wake up for work the next day...so he is trying to resolve his sleeping problems.....so lets see if it works this way...

weeee...my sister shan shan is back from malaysia....yippeee...more laughters in the room and nonsense from her liao...if not very boring de u know...without my baby sister zhen..the next person who gossips with me...who laughs with me..who grumbles with me is shan shan le....so....happy to see her....loves

all about belle belle

2009-11-10T19:06:00.003+08:00

today we shall talk about precious belle.....

she is growing fat fat fat :)
she eats wherever she go....anytime anywhere...anything edible.........*tsk tsk

she will sit down ad get her shoes ready for u whenever going out...

then she will look at the window and shout for PAPA...(oops...she thinks papa alwaex go out)
she will play around and walk around the whole of the market area thinking its her playground
she will say hello to everybody she sees at the market

when going home time...nobody dunno she going le...cuz she wil walk to each and everybody and either high-five or shake head and say BYE BYE loudly......

nowadays she tells all the kor kor jie jie there love u when she going off....awwwwww....
when she knows i am aking a nap or sleeping ...she willl di siao siao...cuz she will look at u innoncently and say "mummy...mummy"....nonstop till u respond to her.......

belle loves to wear shoes around the hse i just dunno why...especially ariels purple slipper..*scratch head
her fav people at home is..jie jie...mummy...papa..ye-ye(grandpa)...and nt forgetting shan-shan yiyi

loving you and ariel baby girls.....hugs.....u brought mummy so much joy......everybody in redhill love you two girls of mine.......cheers**

dedicated to a fcuker

2009-11-09T11:32:00.002+08:00

aaaarrrrrgh.....fcuking pissed right now.....eh....i thot could get some help from u...u dun wanna help i understand...i say never mind le.....then wats ur problem here...who are u to tell me i cannot think....who are u to say i have 2 girls and watever nonsense...i know myself wat i am doing...i know is good intention...but u urself is how old then learn......pls la....say ugly...u got no criteria to say me......and ur so called frend...thanks for her concern huh...i am not finding people trouble now leh....i will so bloody pissed off is becuz my bf for nth get whack on the head....wats this..wat......pls la...u tell me u not paikia liao...ok lor...then so be it la...but one day ur love one get whack till head break...i see u will react not...i see u will angry not.....think also noe lor...wat u wan me to do ....dun do anything ar...or report police....pls la....i know u all just wanna say me...just say only la...i numb le.....is not as if i still club and go find trouble right.....**nonsense**

at least i dun take drugs like u.....so wat if u are married and u tell me now u think....i tell u lor...i married then i think lor since u say i cannot think...seriously la....i can think cannot think i dun see a need to report to u and her.......arrrrgh......i just dun wanna talk to things that simply got no brains.....fcuk...u guys just wanna irritate me but i wont be....try harder...............................................

a fcuker is forever a fcuker.......................hey...i not saying u leh...why get so worked up.......u think so too meh???lols

boring

2009-11-08T13:57:00.002+08:00

so many problems recently。我的头很痛。sians。lucky now everything is settled 了。girls do treasure ur friendship。能做朋友并不容意。dun wanna hear such nonsense again ya？loves**

ariel going out later。so enjoy =）

fcuk u those who hurt my love ones

2009-11-05T16:18:00.002+08:00

haven't been blogging....loads to update....many ugly things happened..people around me got hurt.....cursed the bastards.....dun wish to say much about the incident but i am looking for u ah hwa....tong ji de....juroint point de....eh....u can cry infront yet come from behind...was that the best u could do????eh...u still got balls come out la.....fcuk...my bf this revenge i will take de.....

girls.....i am very disappointed in all...u girls got trouble we go all out to do thigs for u all but yet is this wat u come and do....silly minor mistakes of urs can lead the whole grp to dead end......dun "jiu ceng"...be alert abit...girls...i want to teach u all things but if like that how u wan me to teach???and the worse things...silly things are happening why is that so....haix.....

dear bryan....baby dear....love made us lose our senses to each other...we got pissed off and went crazy towards each other......yet it taught and showed me how much i meant to u...it set my mind clear of how far u would do things for me......thank u...i really hope things would be right from now....and that u will alwaex be by my side....loves

take a bow....i apologise that i no longer can bluff myself

2009-10-28T10:00:00.003+08:00

i am just so loving this song.....i dnno why is it that the man i used to love would never be touched with the things i have done for him....wat wrong have i done in the past to deserve such
thing.....who were with u when u were down...who gave u money just for ur meals...who stood by you when people walked away...who gave u two beautiful daughters...who never asked u for a single cent...who bought u ciggs when u had none....who cried and beg u to return when u just chose to walk off with another girl...i am just a fool to believe u really did change for me....to believe that u really or should i say...finally loved me......i dunno why i would cry once more when u tried to hurt me with ur words...but anyway.....it's over.....(dearest leon)

take a bow-rihanna
(Intro:)
Ohh, how about a round of applause,
Yeah, standin' ovation,
Ooh ohh yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah.

(Verse 1:)
You look so dumb right now,
Standin' outside my house,Tryin' to apologize,
You�re so ugly when you cry,
Please, just cut it out.

(Chorus:)
Don�t tell me you�re sorry 'cause you�re not,
Baby when I know you�re only sorry you got caught,
But you put on quite a show (oh),
You really had me goin',
But now it�s time to go (oh),
Curtain�s finally closin',
That was quite a show (oh),
Very entertainin',But it�s over now (but it's over now),
Go on and take a bow, ohh ohh.

(Verse 2:)
Grab your clothes and get gone (get gone),
You better hurry up before the sprinklers come on (come on),
Talkin� 'bout girl, I love you, you�re the one,
This just looks like the re-run,Please, what else is on.

(Chorus:)
And don�t tell me you�re sorry 'cause you�re not (mmm),
Baby when I know you�re only sorry you got caught (mmm),
But you put on quite a show (oh),You really had me goin',
But now it�s time to go (oh),
Curtain�s finally closin',That was quite a show (oh),
Very entertainin',But it�s over now (but it's over now),
Go on and take a bow, ohh.

(Bridge:)
And the award for the best liar goes to you (goes to you),
For makin' me believe that you could be paithful to me,
Let's hear your speech out,How about a round of applause,
A standin' ovation.

(Chorus:)
But you put on quite a show (oh),
You really had me goin',
But now it�s time to go (oh),
Curtain�s finally closin',
That was quite a show (oh),
Very entertainin',But it�s over now (but it's over now),
Go on and take a bow.

But it's over now.

i have got one darling bf (bryan)by my side...who showered me with lots of love and is more than enough to cover and make up for wat i have lost in the past......cheers to good and sweet guys like bryan and mark....(hey i never forget u hor....come out with me and bryan for lunch and drinks again leh...lols.....misses)

super boredom

2009-10-25T00:23:00.002+08:00

today i just am feeling so tired...i dunno why....shag.....mummy brought two princesses out.....today no work....went to eunos with dear in the evening for his religion thing then headed to katong to find the girls and guys.....fetch them liao go grandlink play billiard.....haix...old liao....rusty le....lols.....i miss the old days when i was younger...that i could slack at cine play billiard....wahahahha...miss the good old days.....

after which headed to redhill.....boring boring.....arrrrgh.....i am feeling kinda no life.....i wanna earn big bucks and bring the kids for a holiday or something.....

okie...nth much to say today le......i love u baby girls.....hugs hugs

another day of nonsense

2009-10-20T00:17:00.003+08:00

super boring day.....now on my lappy at work..lols...just now went down to redhill settle some things.....my lil princesses i wonder how they are doing....not with me...missing u girls.....i put them at boon lay place cause i needed to work..... super duper broke.....fcuk...dunno how to survive....the mother dun wanna help me look after them then i got no one else to help.....gotta think of a better solution........baby princesses....mummy miss u girls.....hugs hugs
just now ran from work to meet the girls at redhill to settle ah xin thing......

a note to xin......

dearest boy....i dunno why u just will not learn ur lesson....but instead got worst and worst......ah beng and i have been trying so hard to help u yet u take for granted thats why things gt ugly....everyone got limited patience.....just yesterday we told u off and today u double the nonsense for us.....of all thing u come and scold my sister.....hey....my family is not for u to bully de...if u have valied reason i shut my mouth....but u just simply cuz of possessiveness towards vickaye.....this slap from me is nothing.......the next time beng and i will not give u more chances le.....u luckjy today got "ling" pai....pls boy...u are smart....pls learn la...dun becuz of such small and stupid girl issues get u in shit........think.........not we nagging...but lies again is a no no......haix.....

i so lonely

2009-10-16T04:29:00.003+08:00

so freaking bored right now...just cannot get to slp..yesterday went down to redhill again to slack and eat muh vegetarian dinner...had zhai spaghetti today...the kids played...ran...yelled...had fun....ariel and ang kong loh became good friends...surprisingly...lols..but very funny.....slacked till eleven plus twelve then headed back home...tired...back aching like hell...

today dear cannot pei me...not even talk to me on the phone cuz he gotta invite his god...haix...sians....dunno wat to do later...should i go mummy there...so the kids can swim...but very far nehx...aiyahyah.....

to dearest shan and girls.....yes..u girls know i talking bout u.....i really hope u girls will be good and not do such silly things again ya..nobody is gossiping bout u all...and no body is scolding u all...just dun wish to see u girls get into trouble.....paikia no need do all these things de...be smart....*winks...whether u girls get my hint or not i dunno....but the next time i will confront u all le....ya???love u girls....

boredom kills valerie

2009-10-15T16:16:00.002+08:00

arrrgh i am freaking bored at home......dear just now came in the afternoon...bought me my vegetarian noodles....weeee.....thanks thanks...dear is also sick...think i passed my sickness to him...my diet is not really working...i dunno why....one day eat one meal...yet still like that.....hmmmmm.i dun feel lighter...i feel weaker.....gosh....no strength to keep playing and carrying belle...like yesterday i was at redhill with the kids.....she run and run...n the end ost of the time is dear who go catch her....i got dizzy spells i dunno why....and everyone starts asking me why i look so pale....oh no....its torturing u know...but for the sake for a slimmer body.....val jia you....wooooosh....

so irritated with this vegetarian thingy.....haix..dear and i can only hold hands like lil kids...no kissing goodbye or nights.....arrrrrgh hates****gotta tolerate about few more weeks....know wats worst...this coming 18th is our monthly anniversary and he gotta be busy with inviting the god....omg....cannt believe this is happening to me.....thinking if wanna go over to mummy place..for tml till sunday dear got no time to meet us....oh well....will decide later.....

holy holy night

2009-10-13T02:21:00.002+08:00

dunno wat the hell am i doing still not asleep.....i just cannot seem to sleep...but yesterday was the start of my vegetarian month...."zhai".....just for the sake of having a lil blessings cuz i have really been down...i mean...eveything is just not going smoothly..and at the same time...i accompanying dear dear....cuz he got his "jiu wang ye" thingy.....yes...i dunno how to explain but is a kinda festive where u pray to this god......hm.....so....imagine me eating all the normal onsense i eat and dear cannot eat...like so bad...so..uh-hem.......*winks* but i am having a big problem with this vegetarian thing cuz near my place got no such food and i am oreadix a very lazy person so no food for me....ya....diet diet diet begins.......finally some of u guys must be thinking...lols....only when dearie got free time then he willuy for me to eat....and like yesterday for instance....i am damn hungry...and damn no energy....like now i am typing at a really slow speed....lols.....

simple updates again....i dun have time to blog all the way so here and there again it goes.....

friday was bird and meh-meh's big day...wish them lots of love and happiness even though....ahem*.....ok.....i did not go attend for certain reasons...not nice to spell it out here....and i was all so lonely the whole night...after work headed down to redhill to wait for dear...waited till like 12 plus....gosh....boreds*.....then headed down to orchard tower....the club there...cuz it was lawrence birthday.....ew...so many ang moh and old man...and ah guas....yucks....hates*....drank alot though...high high high .....this suay old man who look disgusting got a nice shower of chivas from me...wahahahahaha.....actually i settled it muhself not wanting dear and frends to get into trouble....okie...enough of this....

sat was a mini early surprised celebration for ah xin....dear's ginna.....brought drinks down to redhill from frends and woohoo.....the birthday boy got drunk..lots and lots of chivas.....but still for a first time drinking boy....he holds himself well after that..just kinda comical.he kept asking why his movements so "fast"lols.....damn cute la he.....so happy birthday to u boy...big boy le...must know how to listen olreadix k....hugs
straight after all the lil ones went off....we headed down to drink more at club bubberry...yah...last time cherry there....drink drank and drunk......

sunday....met up with sis in town......slacked at wine bar and headed to redhill after that...ate and then we go to bubberry again...this time round saw long lost martin...lols....i told my sis and she still can ask me who is he.....she dun recognised him...lols.....okok....dun be surprised to see me fat martin....so long never see me, and i have been eating nonstop de u know....wats more to add to the day...finally my "aunt" came......gosh...it was like more than a week i missed it..and i thot....and dear prayed that i was preggie....omg....no way man...no way am i getting muhself preggie now again......not now....dear promised u two years later ya.....hmm...but also i was shocked la...cuz i really never expected to be pregg or something cuz we do take precautions ok.....i hope is enough...lols.....so.....bloody mary here i come......

think thats enough for now....as for pics...i so wanna upload...but i cannot find muh camera cable.......arrrrgh.......another day ba......loves to all....

i love u bryan tan....baby sis.....ariel and belle.....hugs hugs

boring boring

2009-09-30T14:32:00.002+08:00

gosh.....the weather is killing.......just brought two princesses down for lunch......as usual...princess ariel asked for noodles....and in the end she did not want...made me raised muh voice in public again....*sibei chao kuan*.....after scolding then she eat two mouth....haix....spoilt la she...wat she wanna eat or drink i also will buy...in the end....she just thinks her mother is fcuking rich....the rest of the noodles of cuz....kit's precious belle's duty...she ate finish the rest.....

dear till now not yet call me...reason out things with him last night....then he whole moring never even messaged....so i messaged him just now at 12 plus...he said he was busy......haix...i really dunno la...maybe i too free...so i kinda observe such detailed stuffs......i really wanna know wat time then will i hear from him......not forgetting tonight he got yew keng....ha.....(val ar....just heck care la......)

boreds

2009-09-30T02:34:00.003+08:00

haix...i am feeling kinda lost right now..i am not asleep yet i am searching the web for all the info i need to know.....

i really wanna know wat love means....
wat the hell have i been doing all these while...
why am i still not appreciative of everything that u have done for me...
why is it that i cannot tolerate a little bit more when u pissed me...
why is it that i cannot let go a little so that u can do wat u like...
why my hearts still hurtss at times ot knowing why
why i will still cry at night at times...

i am reading and so i am learning...just to be someone better and more suitable for u........

50 years from now, id be so old, I might forget u. I might not remember ever knowing you, or might forget I once cared for you. I might….. But I won't.

Falling in love with you is the second best thing in the world... Finding you is the first!

How would you know if he really loves you? It's when you scream he's calm. When you slap him, he kisses you. When you cry, he hugs you. When you tell him you hate him, he tells you he loves you!

When the time comes I can't smile anymore, don't worry about me, I know what to do. I'll just stare at one corner and think of you. No one else could make me happy like the way you do.

No matter how sad, no matter how sick, I feel better just thinking of you... but i'm happier each time i send you a message 'coz i know i'll be DISTURBING YOU!

You are the reason why I have sleepless nights. You are the reason why I tend to hold my pillow tight. It's you that I'm thinking when I lay down at night. And you are the reason I can't sleep without saying goodnight.

What is love? Those who don't like it call it responsibility. Those who play with it call it a game. Those who don't have it call it a dream. Those who understand it call it destiny. And me, I call it You.

I used to think that dreams do not come true, but this quickly changed the moment I laid my eyes on you.

Love. All my life I have read about it, dreamt of it, waited for it, cried for it, needed it. Now with you, I have found it.

I don't want to say I miss you, though deep inside I do, coz I'm afraid you might see thru and know how much fear I have of losing someone like you.

Can I say I love you today? If not, can I ask you again tomorrow? And the day after tomorrow? And the day after that? Coz I'll be loving you every single day of my life.

UPDATES

2009-09-30T02:12:00.003+08:00

20th sept '09

today is cousin olivia's wedding....
held at east coast beach...outdoor de..
very sweet and romantic....as the sunsets....
then headed to inside for a buffet......
yummy yummy....something different....for i never been to a outdoor wedding before
of course with the accompany of dear dear

23rd sept'09

it's princess ariel's birthday......HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING
she turned three this year.....wooohoo...
bought new pair of shoes......
brought her to cafe cartel to have lunch wit dear and sis(shan) and dylon
ate ate ate.....had fun running here and there wit the kids though
simple birthday yet lots of love from all who cares....
supposed to bring ariel to zoo...but again..things cropped up....no worries girl...soon

i cannot exactly rememeber all the dates...but went to old "cherry"recently..had fun..drank alot....with the group of cute lil friends of mine....the GAK's...lols.....especially my "sister"=jasper....wHAhHa...no drunk no home.......the place there changed alot...much better...girls there very pretty...eh...most....eh...some la...lols....but the band there now more suitable for human to hear lor.....lolx....

yesterday went to jp to have dinner with ting.....had japanese food as usual...shiok....eat till full full....was telling ting...my diet plan fail la....keep cannot start right.....die la.....shedding those pounds off is really asking muh life....arrrgh.....

today...early afternoon brought the kids out....as supposed to go meet my baby sis zhen zhen...but she only has one hour breaktime...hence...never so instead went down to bishan to meet my aunt....afer that went over to her place slack.....(sis...i will meet u another day ya?sorry the kids delayed the timing then got stuck in a jam...so cannot make it on time....loves loves)after that...around 8 plus.....dear came to fetch us.....we headed to serangoon to slack......kids ate mac and enjoyed themselves at the playground there...then headed home......

OH ya....ddear bought me a limited edition care bear...whiite de...second biggest size in singapore....he told me eeded to go tiong bahru to buy dvds....then i went to do muh shopping at watsons...suddenly when we met up....he told me he lost sixty dollars....i shocked....blurrrrrr.....where the hell the money go.....then headed to vehicle to find....he passed me the keys and when i went.....i saw the bear smiling at me....i happy and touched like fuck lor.....my tears flow once more......i really never expect it at all..no hints no loopholes.....thank u dear for being so sweet....i feel so lucky for there are only 3 in one outlet....loves loves

thats about all for the missed updates people are wondering...lols.....PICS ARE ON THE WAY

picture describing how i feel now

2009-08-27T07:53:00.001+08:00

random pics

2009-08-27T07:30:00.003+08:00

these are the carebears which i mention from dearie for each month anniversary..many more not yet get....i love them...i love u dearie...thanks again

lion dance competion day at west coast cc

old..shabby man

2009-08-27T07:04:00.004+08:00

another sleepless night for me......haix.....ariel baby....were u notti...did u give people trouble????mummy misses u....hmmm.thinking if i should have breakfast with my aut later..thinking if i should bring belle down to orchard for lunch and walk the baby fair at take..hmm.

yesterday had dinner with dear at redhill market...thereafter headed to gua for his training...his taka lion dance competition is approaching real soon...get the shivers for him...wahahhaha....have faith in him and the team man..however....things were not very nice yesterday....

ok...in his group there is this man called ah tiong....old...shabby short guy....he is really getting on my nerves recently.....actually if u dun come and say me there is nothing i will do..but since u ope ur bloody mouth...u get it from me....

they were setting up the props and everything downstairs at the big carpark.....my lil belle as usual....was eating and walking away.....u know..lil kids....then she went to their safety mattress to lie down...just like her papa....then....ah tiong suddenly shouted....take her to her mother...then he carried her to me..he came up to me and said"if u wanna bring ur kid down look after ur kid"..i was like ...duh~huh????i replied him that I WAS LOOKING AFTER HER WAT.......just that she do not want me to carry and she wants to walk around..

firstly......the movements of my daughter i cannot control....all i can do is watch her....

the carpark is ot the hell urs....its a public place for her to walk around

u are not the head nor in-charge.....just a ...hmm...helper?mover?worker?friend?

i did not ask u or anyone to carry her at all...

she is not disturbing u at alll

why not like that...u sit down and carry her.....se if she will sit there with u quietly or not

my girl is smarter then u then to sit and not move at all.....maybe ur kid is like an idiot who just sit there..when u say move she move..when u say stay she stay.....or do u have a kid i the first place....

many times u have been saying things and i keep my mouth shut....but sorry....i dun give u a damn....FCUK OFF

after that we headed home when dear finished everything...at my carpark i spoke to dear....i tod him wat i "gao wei"about him...i think very long before deciding to tok to him de....cuz i dun want problems in future and he say i never mention....i just told him that i did not like it when people say me and my girl ad he do not speak up for us....yes..i know he cares...i know he dun want problems...i know he dun wanna be put in a difficult position...but hey dearie.....ur girlfriend kena "bullied"....at least just ask the person to stop it....u know my patter de...u know i will pek cek and flare up.....i know after that u will still do things behind e to tell that person off...but wat i need is realistic...practical protection from u...not only physically...mentally tooooooo...

thanks for understanding dear...i love u...but i will not sit don and shut up if he does it again.....whether he is ur friend or not.....misses

my shan sis birthday

2009-08-26T06:36:00.005+08:00

precious belle

My baby sis...her bf-weili.....and daddy

group dinner

my family

the sweet couple

me and shan

birthday girl and ariel

mr handsome brother of mine and notti belle

the besties

crazy me

2009-08-26T05:46:00.005+08:00

it's been some time since i last post about muh doings....yeah...first of all...wat the hel am i doing at this hour of the day....yah....i did not sleep....AGAIN...it's the second day...though u guys might think its 2 days nia...no....it's been like that for quite some time le....haix..i have sleeping problems..the thing is...i dun feel tired at all at night....u might say it's habit...but it think it's madness......i would be using the com...playing facebook whole night...then wash muh clothes....doing household chores....imagine me mopping the floor in the middle of the night.....then finding things to pack and unpack...i mean....EVERYNIGHT LEH........................

right now precious belle is sleeping....ariel is at her godma place.....dearie is sleeping at his home...and i am going to wake him up later seven am....he sure gonna scream at me..for not sleeping.....oops...

something bad is just happening to me....and guess wat...of all things..my depression is back....wahahahha....one min i will be crying the other i will be laughing like a moron....take last week for an example....i dunno wat happen to me but i was so pissed off with ariel that when we reached guan....dunno wat funny thing she did that woke me up from my nap in the car....i just blew my head off that i started screaming and shouting....(not surprising right for me to do so.)..the thing is....i kept laying hands on muhself...i keep whacking my head cuz i keep telling myself cannot beat ariel....then she did not wanna wear her shoes and so i took her shoes and slap my head several times...my head was like exploding liaox....imagine a big man like dearie would also be scared.....i only know i was out of my mind then...dearie said it was becuz i tolerated and kept things to myself hence, exploded.....watever the excuse is....i know i am going crazy....just that i cannot control myself till i take my pills...i dun wanna depend on this things....but i dun think i have a choice though....god pls teach me wat to do....

that night i called my sister.....i cried nowing that she was just worried about me hitting ariel.....the next day....my beng called my aunt and she also thought the same way.....can anyone just think that i am in dangernow and not the girl...or is it so long as the girls are safe....hack care me....i dunno leh...i really wanted to talk to my aunt or sis at times but i just dunno how to tell them wat am i thinking.....i fcuking useless lar....aniways...thanks dear that u are there for me....thanks for the time when i scared u yet u willingly gave me ur promise and concern.....thank god for u.....

bought ariel a doctor play set cuz she everytime play with her yiyi-shan shan doctor...she likes it...and i am happy....dear still thinks i am spoiling her...but no la....i long long buy something for her ...thats the least i can do...i love u alot baby ariel...sorry if mummy scared u....

to my dearie

2009-08-19T05:01:00.004+08:00

dearie...happy monthly anniversary to u...though u wished me that first but u played cheat lor...wahahhaa....thank u for tolerating my nonsense...my temper...my two princesses...thanks for bringing them out and not minding their naughty behaviour...i loe u for many little things that u have done for me....yet sorry for not being able to spend time with u.....hope u will still be patient and continue to pamper me like u do now ya???(cuz it feels so good to be pampered by u...lols)psst psst....i love u bryan tan...*winks

my thots

2009-08-17T05:32:00.007+08:00

A TRUE FRIEND NEVER DEMANDS THAT U DO NOT CHANGE...BUT REMEMBERS THE WAY U ARE...
MY FRIEND IS SHE WHO TELLS ME MY FAULTS IN PRIVATE
DUN PITY THE GIRL WITH ONE tRUE FRIEND..PITY THE GIRL WHO HAS THOUSANDS OF ACQUAINTANCES....

random thoughts

2009-08-17T01:52:00.003+08:00

first of all...happy birthday to you.....take care...god bless...

hmm....my dearie is sick...down with very bad throat infection...it hearts me to see him not able to eat and talk properly..no jokes from him these few days....never been going anywhere...as usual..after dearie's work he will come and pick me and the two princesses to redhill market....eat..slacked..talked...nth much been going on....

these days been kinda emo....scared wil have early menopause...wahahaha llols....been thinking of silly things...like envying my sister zhen zhen for having a good career..going fishing every week...enjoying and relaxing herself..i need a good holiday tooo.....arrrgh...our thinking seems far apart le....i miss u mei mei....though we always meet up at guan..but u dun talk to me as much le...many thiings to share with u.....haix...love u

oh no...next month i am gonna be broke broke...so many weddings to attend in a row....gosh....wat should i get for them???hmmmm.....

finally contacted esther today....but for no reason..i got fucked by her bf...almost wanted to go his place and punch him in the face already...and who the hell is that bloody bitch that screamed at me over the phone???duh....i called esther's phone looking for her for some reasons....along came two idiots who spoilt muh day....i dun give a damn wat problems u guys have with her.i dunno and i dun wanna know....i just called...looking for ESTHER...thanks...

esther girl...i am kinda worried for u....why become like that..are u in some troube...are u having some problems....do take care and contact me soon...haix...misses...

get this clear

2009-07-30T01:25:00.003+08:00

i am really pissing off right now......i dunno if i am being direct here or indirect....but some things gotta be sorted out before it really gets out of hand.....

i am not working cuz there is no way i can hire a maid....i am not eligible for it and my dad cannot do so becuz of his bankrupt term.....
i am and have never taken any single hell-of-a-body for granted at all....i fcuk swear
i owe u many so i have never said or commented anything that u have been saying bout me....
i was not the one who messaged u the other day for i am not so free...it was mr.lee kok leong who felt that i was really uneasy so he messaged u
i never took any one's pity....if u did then i misled u to...
no lies or white lies if u think so....*shake head*
i did talk about u.....its becuz of all the funy wierd things that u say or do....dun realised it?ask the people around u.....
i dun spend a single cent when i am out playing...for my boyfriend does it al...my money that i have is for the kids milk and pampers and ariel school fees thats all....thanks for ur concern

when someone look at u with duly respect or appreciation....dun make her shrug her shoulders ad just ignore....when i dun reply it does not mean i am admitting but i just dun wanna quarrel further....i chose to igore and leave u alone....dun come test my patience.....no angry..no quarrels...no cursig..no swearing....just to clear wat i have to clear......

hey friends....to those who are looking for me do give me ur patience for i am looking for a number now....my phone number is again not in use for i return it to my boyfriend for his work...will get one soon....loves

sometimes it's hard to understand one another

2009-07-21T04:18:00.003+08:00

first of all....i would like to congrats my dear for getting fourth i the lion dance competion this year.....i will be awaiting for ur performance at taka on september de....good job guys....ur efforts are not wasted.....dun worry dear...me and ariel and belle will accompany u again for ur training sessions de=)....do me proud k????a big hug to u and the team....

i am very confused and disappointed over some issues...i do not understand why people around me would be the ones who hurt me the most....i did hurt a few....but i never do wrong.....maybe i trusted to tell u things..but ur masked face fooled me....maybe i tried to give u chances yet u doubted me again....why is it that ur words just have to be so nasty towards me.....i swear upon anything that i have never taken a single one for granted....yet rumours and misunderstandings blew it all...maybe i do things bluntly.....but why u have to put me down this way.....

to the people out there....my friends or my opposition team......i am just looking for my happiness and not continueing my mistakes over again...i dragged things between me and leon too long already.....things had to end cuz i have to admit that things are not going the same way as i want it to.....even if u guys dun give me ur blessings with my new bf....keep the nasty comments to urself...my girls are happy...so am i...sometimes i really gets confused with my friends words..u people who i treated as friends were the ones who encouraged and asked me to let leon go...now u all betray me with ur words.....lols....i really wanna laugh it all out.......

u people thinks it's easy???it's like so easy for u all to go work....to go out....to enjoy....to fall in love...to enjoy romance...but me???i have to think twice before i wanna go out cuz i have to bring the girls with me...i cannot eat in peace....walk freely.....when i thought of putting them for someone to help me take care of them when i can go work for that few hours and earn that pathetic pay.....who is there to understand.....u guys know i got no one to look after them so i cannot work...when i have a job offer for that few hours....u guys would say things....omg...i really dunno wat to do....like i always say..even if i dun eat...i will not let my girls go hungry de...

dear....thanks for being there for me....not forgetting my two girls... never fail to buy them things...bring them out...eat nice food...carrying them when u know i am breaking down....i love u for all these and so much more....dear..thanks for buying the carebear stuff toys collection for me on our monthly anniversary...i really was touched(oops...yah..i did cry in public) ....dear i will be waiting for the rest of the collection....cuz i know that there will be many years in counting for us...(one care bear=one month)...u really am spoiling me dear....

thank god

2009-07-16T04:52:00.003+08:00

thank god for blessing dear's safety at work...and the day is finally here....he dun have to work that anymore....weee~ sorry if i rAISED MY VOICE AT U TODAY DEAR....i think we got some misunderstandings or u misinterpretted me....aniway...good it's over.....hmm...gonna plan a whole week schedule with dear and my girls since he is so free le....gonna go to the zoo...to sentosa...bring the kids to the beach...hmmm...

belle is growing real notti nowadays..she keeps screaming for mama when she cries...when she just want u to carry....learning to talk so she is blabbering all day....dear and me was laughing when just now we were in the ar....she kept dancing when she heard the music...it was thai music though..lols....like she knows like that...lols...eat eat eat is wat she does,....

ariel is still as daring...she never retaliates whenever her mei mei hits her...or snatch her stuffs....she sayangs her all the time....love my ariel for this.....but still...not eating everything...favourite fries and muchies is all she love....thats when u see her sit down and eat nonstop....gosh~~

as for me..i am happy..happy to be with my love ones...i am so pampered that i am fat fat fat right now....no intention of dieting till earer to marriage....lols....dear is always buying me good food....hmmm.craving for youtiao da wang again....lols

oh...read leon's post out in face book..he sems so happy right now...guess he has moved on...or maybe....he never even felt a thing in the first place...sorry that i have to be selfish to take the two girls with me...maybe even if i will have more freedom leaving the girls with u....hope u will find and treasure the next girl of urs....things between us is over..yet it was once beautiful...thank u.....

lots of love to bryan tan...ariel wu and belle wu...lols

happy birthday belle

2009-07-02T11:25:00.005+08:00

precious belle

it was precious belle's first birthday yesterday...a very happy birthday to her...may she have the lord's blessings to grow up healthy and happy.....went to kallang seafood restaurant to eat.....at the same time celebrated mummy's birthday also...cuz they just happen to be of two days difference....too bad dear cannot join us.....food there ok la...not bad...but i think not worth it....thanks for all the litttle cakes....and for my friends who remembers her birthday...sweet of u guys....but sad to say....her own father dun even bother to give a call....how "thoughtful" of him...thanks ar..love u belle belle

haix

2009-06-30T00:13:00.002+08:00

a penny for my thoughts.........................

just when u think things can't get any worse...they do. I've learnt that life is like an hourglass....sooner or later everything hits rock bottom....all u have to do is to wait and be patient...till someone comes and turn everything back round again....(and i have found that person.......bryan tan)

i'm selfish..impatient..and a little insecure....i make mistakes..sometimes hard to control and might be hard to handle at times...but if u can't handle me at my worst..then hell u dun deserve me at my best....

silly pics of princess ariel

2009-06-29T20:54:00.003+08:00

some silly pics of ariel at changi airport the swensens yesterday.....